Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #year #school #university #gain #work #travel #life #education

Majority

Correct article usage

The majority

show examples

of young individuals

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

opt to take a year break before they start their university and after school completion in order to acquire some experience. I completely agree with

this

notion

due to

several

reason

Change to a plural noun

reasons

show examples

. There are numerous benefits of working after

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school

finished

Add a missing verb

is finished

show examples

, and the

pre- eminent

Correct your spelling

pre-eminent

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one is to

enables

Wrong verb form

enable

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

peace and harmony.

This

is because young

children

have an opportunity to explore

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

various cultural backgrounds and traditions.

Thus

they learn the value of respecting other religions, and

discrimination

Correct article usage

the discrimination

show examples

rate can be reduced too. To illustrate, Temu was a Chinese shopping app that was established only in

china

Correct your spelling

China

show examples

before, whilst now it has been introduced at the international level. Another key consideration is that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

communication skills are more likely to be improved

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since young

children

will automatically realise

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the good communication and intellectual skills that will enhance their personality.

Furthermore

, youngsters will have a chance to earn by working before they start

jump

Change the form of the verb

jumping

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

new job.

As a result

, they

tends

Change the verb form

tend

show examples

to save financial support for backup that they can use later when required.

For instance

, American Government is motivating

children

to work

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

show examples

before they enter university

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

So that they will learn the value of money and work hard.

Apart from

this

, working in the special field increase the

co- workers

Correct your spelling

co-workers

show examples

support and maintains a good relationship between a learner and a boss. In conclusion, I completely agree with the notion that

children

must have a year gap before they enter

in to

Join the words

into

show examples

the new phase of life as the experience they gain during

this

time

Period

Add an article

The period

A period

show examples

is beneficial for them.

Submitted by Navneet Dhand on Mon Jun 19 2023

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

272 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many young people choose to take a year out between finishing school and starting university in order to gain work experience or to travel. The experience of non-academic life this offers benefits the individual when they return to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

everyone should be encouraged to use fewer resources rather than recycle more. To what extent do you agree?

Nowadays, children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time being active and creative. What is the reason for this? What measures should be taken to encourage children to be more creative?

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. what are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centers rather than smaller, more traditional shops?

More and more scientists and tourists are interested in traveling to remote areas, Such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?