It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
It is considered by some that taking
risks
is impeartive
in both personal and professional facets. From my standpoint, Correct your spelling
imperative
although
there are merits from from
accepting Change preposition
to
risks
, I advocate that a lot of drawbacks may happen alongside outweigh the prositive
sides.
Correct your spelling
positive
To begin
with the advantages, some contend that people
who take risks
could be one step ahead of others as they will be more experienced in many aspects. Through all that they have already passed by taking risks
, individuals could be more matured
in their personal Wrong verb form
mature
lives
. Moreover
, not only as person
Add an article
a person
,
those Add the word(s)
, but
are
Change the verb form
are also
also
be more professional in their career lives
, conquering all problems by possesing
Correct your spelling
possessing
risks
. For example
, as a development manager, taking challenge
to do market expansion is necessary to increase a revenue rate. If the Add an article
the challenge
headquarter
do not do that action, the company will stuck and unable to acquire any enhancements.
Correct subject-verb agreement
headquarters
However
, taking risks
is
not only Unnecessary verb
apply
bring
some good developments, but Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
also
various detrimental effects on everybody's live
. Replace the word
life
Firstly
, people
can be affected pshologically
by taking a risky challenge as Correct your spelling
psychologically
although
they have mentally prepared for the worst possibility, a failure can lead to a dissapointment
. When Correct your spelling
disappointment
people
could not
overcome that situation, the persons may feel bad for their Wrong verb form
cannot
lives
and lost
their Wrong verb form
lose
confidences
. Fix the agreement mistake
confidence
Secondly
, those who are taking risks
in their works
and achieve bad Fix the agreement mistake
work
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
,
may be scolded and fired from their positions since their co-workers cannot believe them professionally. Another point is Remove the comma
apply
people
who likely
to take a risk will receive a bad label from Add a missing verb
are likely
societies
, which can immensely affect personal Fix the agreement mistake
society
as well as
professional lives
. The community will reckon those people
as a
Correct article usage
apply
troublemaker which
could not do any successful actions in their Fix the agreement mistake
troublemakers who
lives
, resulting in a bad personality and scarcity of a job opportunity.
In conclusion, albeit
many benefits could be gained from taking Correct word choice
although
risks
, more repercussions outweigh its benefits, including mental damage, career lost
and negative assumptions from the societies.Replace the word
loss
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task achievement
Your essay shows some understanding of the main topic. However, the response is not fully developed with clear arguments throughout. You should work on expanding your ideas more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more clearly and effectively. Use cohesive devices to help the reader follow the argument. Avoid repetition and include a clear topic sentence for each paragraph.