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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that all students should study history as a major subject, while others feel that other subjects are important for children today. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is often argued by many that
history
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 is an important
subject
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 and should be taught to
learners
Punctuation problem
learners,
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 whilst others
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 like languages and science
Use synonyms
subject
Check wording
apply
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are more beneficial in
this
Linking Words
 era. In my opinion, I think both play a significant role in child grooming. I will discuss both aspects in
this
Linking Words
 essay below. To commence with,
History
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 plays a significant role in a person's life because with the help of
history
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, children come to know about their past and how they
conquer
Wrong verb form
conquered
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 their country from where they belonged. How many hardships were faced by their
old
Correct word choice
elderly
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 people? These all
are
Verb problem
apply
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important information and they must know about it.
For instance
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, Independence Day is one of the memorable days for most of the nation
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they tell their children and arrange a variety of shows in schools to refresh the
history
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. If the study of
history
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 should be
stopped
Punctuation problem
stopped,
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 it leads to adverse ramifications. On the flip side, many are in
favor
Use the right word
favour
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 that peers should give preference to other science
subjects
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 like mathematics, physics, and languages because these days they play a crucial role
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 the help of
such
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subjects
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one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 can become a doctor and engineer, and scientist.
On the contrary
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, language
such
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 as English is vital these days.
Therefore
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, it is important for pupils to learn and study these
subjects
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 because when they move abroad to pursue their higher education program
so
Rephrase
apply
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, they cannot face communication issues and live a peaceful
as well as
Linking Words
 confident life there. In conclusion,
although
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 both
subjects
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 have their own importance but science and other
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 are more advantageous to children to continue their studies in foreign regions and make their parents feel proud of them. In my opinion, studying other
subjects
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 is more helpful for pupils so they can freely talk about different advancements and learn about new technologies which are used today and with the help of
such
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 studies they can go anywhere in the world and continue their syllabus
whereas
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, in case of
history
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 they remain bound with their own country because each country has their own
history
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.

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task
Your answer touches both sides, but the main view should be clear in the intro and stay with you through the essay.
coherence
Plan your essay. Use three clear paragraphs and link ideas with small words like first, next, but, so.
grammar
Use short, plain sentences. Check small errors in grammar and spelling.
content
The essay shows a view and tries to give details.
structure
There is an order of parts: intro, body, conclusion.
content
An example is given (Independence Day).

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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