IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

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Nowadays the economic system is growing from the past. It made many
countries
Use synonyms
 richer. And
then
Linking Words
 they were happy about the
income
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 of profitable.
However
Linking Words
, if many
countries
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 can get a lot of
income
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 that needs to be increased and stable all of the time some
countries
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 will be focusing on revenue too much.
That is
Linking Words
 why some
countries
Use synonyms
 aren’t happy in recent times. Today, developed
countries
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 are not as happy as in the past because they need
income
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 results from economic raises. Some big companies try very hard to have an
income
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 increase each month. And they will focus on
income
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 too much. Some
countries
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 raised their vat of economic,
therefore
Linking Words
 their partners did not want to do business with them. So their economy will be stable. That would mean some developed
countries
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 are not as happy as in the past. It is immediately noticeable that developing
countries
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 are happier in their economies. Because they want to develop everything in their country. They can see what is the greatest of economics and the weakest.
For example
Linking Words
, their economy was not growing enough.
Then
Linking Words
 many
countries
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 will bate vat and It makes partners want to do business with developing
countries
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. They try to adapt to their own
countries
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 constantly. I agree that developing
countries
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 will be happier than developed
countries
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. Developing
countries
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 want their economic growth all of the time. They know how to do business with their partners and want to be successful in economic growth not about only
income
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 in their
countries
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.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task but could benefit from clearer organization and more developed arguments. Try to elaborate on your ideas and provide a clearer link between economic growth and happiness in developed countries.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the transitions between ideas are smoother. Using linking words can help enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Some good points about the differences in happiness between developed and developing countries were made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
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