IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

Why
people
Use synonyms
 in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 are not happier than before
?.
Change the punctuation
?
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 It has many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 but I will give a little example. In my opinion,
people
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 like comfortable things or technology that help them make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 easier. So maybe that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
people
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 like to
travelling
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travel
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 or vacation
at
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in
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 developed
countries
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. When many
people
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 go to developed
countries
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 some of
citizens
Add an article
the citizens
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 might
don’t
Verb problem
not
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 like it because some
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 make their town dirty or disrespect
to
Change preposition
apply
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their environment and traditions. When
people
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have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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come in it
make
Verb problem
is
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 annoying to
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in because some
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 may not know and do something that goes beyond the line,
such
Linking Words
 as invading the area. The other reason,
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people
Add a missing verb
is people
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 in developed
countries
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 originally
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 developing
countries
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 in the first place, when the
countries
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 developing the citizens may think it
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 new and interesting
with
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because they
never seen
Add the auxiliary verb
saw
have never seen
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 it before, it
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 like a baby that
obtain
Wrong verb form
obtained
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new
Correct article usage
a new
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 toy but when it developed some
people
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 was boring cause they did not interest anymore. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 the reason why
people
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 in developed
countries
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 are not as happy as they were in the past
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 some
traveller
Fix the agreement mistake
travellers
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 make their city chaotic or not
respect
Replace the word
respectful
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 when we go to other
countries
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 we should respect or follow the rules in that place.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating the main reasons for the decline in happiness among people in developed countries. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to better outline your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader through your points. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your ideas more logically. For example, discussing the impact of tourism could be distinct from the nostalgic feelings related to development. This can enhance clarity and focus.
task achievement
More specific examples and explanations would strengthen your arguments. For instance, providing a concrete situation where tourism negatively impacted a community would make your point more relatable.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for decreased happiness in developed countries, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The writer makes an attempt to present their points and conclude with a summary, demonstrating effort in coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
What to do next:
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