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Band 4

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

#times #growth #countries
In recent times, the growth of the economy has changed the lifestyle of wealthy
countries
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it seems that they are unhappy in some particular way if compared
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the past. In my opinion, wealthier nations have a
lot
 of stress from their work-life imbalance. Most developed
countries
 work in a professional position and that requires a
lot
 of time to be responsible at work. They have a lack of leisure time and connection with their family and relatives. That leads them to a
lot
 of pressure, anxiety and depression.
In addition
, the high cost of living is
also
 significant in developed
countries
,
however
, they earn high salaries.
This
also
 led to financial issues. Recently, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 a
lot
 of well-being books, self-compassion coaching and a variety of mindfulness sessions, both in physical therapy and online.
That people
Correct word choice
People
show examples
 learned from the past to deal
and
Change preposition
with and
show examples
 solve the
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. In many developed
countries
, Europe and America, there are concerns about
this
 huge mental problem and try to study these issues. Starting to have a
metal
Correct your spelling
mental
show examples
 care, physiology therapy and health care centre that everyone in
countries
 can access to the treatment. In conclusion, I think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
 are wealthy in income but they
also
 get a
lot
 of pressure from the financial part and lifestyle. That they have more stress and anxiety in living. Whatever, they learn and manage to have a more well-being lifestyle
for
this
 reason.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay structure is clear with well-defined paragraphs for each main point to improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the connections between ideas and ensure logical progression throughout the essay.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to reinforce the points made.
task achievement
Focus on delivering a fully developed response that addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons for unhappiness in wealthy nations and potential learnings.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
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