IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

What do you think is the best way to bring Uzbekistan's education to the top by gaining more knowledge and education or through more practical skills? Explain your choice,using specific reasons and details.

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Introduction
the graph shows the number of visitors in various
age
Use synonyms
 group who was
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
music
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a music
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 festival from 2010
till
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to
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2015
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the 2015
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 year period.
Body paragraph 1
it is noticeable that a lot of
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 attended music
concert
Fix the agreement mistake
concerts
show examples
.
proportion
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the proportion
show examples
 of teenagers was more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
in
Correct your spelling
In
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term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of the number
adults
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of adults
show examples
 was
more
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apply
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lower than who was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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middle
age
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.
Body paragraph 2
overal
Correct your spelling
Overall
 we can see that in
2010
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the 2010
show examples
 year
people
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 who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 around 45-54 years old attended
conserts
Correct your spelling
concerts
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 around 75+ was lower in 2010 ,
however
Linking Words
 in the beginning
2013
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of 2013
show examples
 the
persantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
growed
Correct your spelling
grew
show examples
 to 20 . Adults who
was
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were
show examples
 25-44 years old in 2013 period dramatically higher.
Conclusion
Looking at participation numbers, a large quantity of
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 attended
festival
Add an article
the festival
show examples
. it's clear that
adults
Correct article usage
the adults
show examples
 attending
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in the middle. Significantly elderly
people
Use synonyms
's number was lower than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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