IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Junk/Street Food is the most affordable meal for the working class. But health problems due to rampant and uncontrolled consumption are being compounded. It has therefore become imperative for governments to impose a higher tax on them. To what extent do you agree to this arrangement by the government? Give your opinion.

#junk #street #food #class #health #consumption #governments #tax #arrangement #government
Working class
Add a hyphen
Working-class
show examples
 people always struggle to manage their time
thus
 they prefer to have
food
,
that is
 quickly available
along with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 delicious taste.
This
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased the health issues among them because of
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
 of junk and street
food
.
Therefore
 it has been important for states to apply higher
taxes
 to handle
this
 situation. I firmly agree with the notion and will discuss my opinions in the essay.
To begin
 with, one of the chiefest problems is healthcare
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
. As people are consuming junk and street
food
 in higher consumption as compared to other available
food
 options. If
Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 regulates higher
taxes
 on it
then
 they will collect the
exorbident
Correct your spelling
exorbitant
 amount of money, that can be used in
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 budget.
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
 they will have to pull the amount from other
commmodities
Correct your spelling
commodities
 like
Petrolium
Correct your spelling
Petroleum
 and travel.
For Instance
,
while
declarting
Correct your spelling
declaring
 the financial budget for
this
 year,
Finance
Correct article usage
the Finance
show examples
 minister clearly mentioned that they are forced to apply extra
taxes
 on fuels to support the healthcare budget to keep their citizens healthy.
Furthermore
,
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 population is the biggest threat to any nation. In
Otherwise
 words, if citizens of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 will not be healthy they would not be able to grow or defend
in
Correct pronoun usage
themselves in
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
such
 as defence, technology,
Science
Correct word choice
and Science
show examples
 to name a few.
for example
, many
euproean countaries
Correct your spelling
European countries
 are facing
this
 concern because their own people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 struggling with obesity,
anxirty
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 and other issues
hence
 they are asking for immigrants from other nations
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lucrative offers. Else they could spend
this
 amount towards the growth of their’s defence system or infrastructure.
To sum up
, indeed, unhealthy
food
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 concern for
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
as well as
 the government.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
 they should impose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
taxes
 to control the consumption of
such
 kind of
food
 and keep their citizens healthy.
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
 states will get extra
amoung
Correct your spelling
amount
 of money to support their health care system without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lending money from other areas of finance budgets.
Submitted by sunny.dhir3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: