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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999. The bar chart shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999.

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999. The bar chart shows the most popular countries visited by UK residents in 1999.
#line #visits #uk #bar #countries #residents
The chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 visits to and from the
UK
 from 1979 to 1999,
while
 the bar chart
represents
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 the
UK
residents
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 the most popular countries ( Turkey ,Greece ,USA ,Spain, and France)in the years given.Both of them are measured in
millions
.
Overall
, the line of
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 overseas by
UK
 dwellers
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 a dramatical increase in the two decades,
whereas
 the
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 from abroad who
visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 went up
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in the final years.
Moreover
, the bar chart for
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular countries visited by
UK
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 in 1999
present
Change the verb form
presents
show examples
 a high bar,
whereas
 for
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 is half and lower for Greece and Turkey. With regard to the
visitors
 from the
UK
, the line for
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 abroad by
UK
residents
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 11 in 1979 to 55
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in the end, and
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 to the
UK
 by overseas
beguan
Correct your spelling
began
 at 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to25
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1999
residents
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
gradualy
Correct your spelling
gradually
,
howover
Correct your spelling
however
 the line graph for visitor abroad by
UK
residents
 is the highest.
On the other hand
, the most
vitistor
Correct your spelling
visitor
 who
visit
Wrong verb form
visited
show examples
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
UK
 was from France, it was over 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
,
while
, the
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 from Turkey was the lowest in 1999 which was
approxiety
Correct your spelling
approximate
 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.There were two countries
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
 the same
visitors
 in two decades, it was nearly
4millions
Correct your spelling
4 million
 from
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
3.5millions
Correct your spelling
3.5 million
 from Greece.
Moreover
, 9
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
 from Spain
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the second
more
Correct quantifier usage
most
show examples
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, residents, visit, millions, visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼

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