IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some doctors show it is important for the old people to have regular exercise. However, some old people cannot get enough exercise. Why do you think this happens?How can old people be encouraged to exercise regularly?

Nowadays, the topic of elder
people
Use synonyms
 whether should
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
, which is popular in modern society. It is a social problem , which probably
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 their
body
Use synonyms
 health. And
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay more attention to
these situation
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
 and produce a plan to solve the phenomenon. The reasons about elderly citizens lack for exercising are that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the elderly senior citizens are busy with take care of grandkids and the power of
body
Use synonyms
 is declining than before, so they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 have enough energy and leisure time to do
exercise
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
individuals
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend time
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
show examples
 television programs or
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 videos, rather than
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
out door
Correct your spelling
outdoor
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 sporting. After that, these
people
Use synonyms
 who are over 65 years old lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of
exercise
Use synonyms
, they do not know how compulsory and beneficial about
do
Change the form of the verb
doing
show examples
exercises
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, there are many elder
individuals
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 disabled or get
Add an article
the disease
a disease
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
, and
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 kind of
people
Use synonyms
 their
Use synonyms
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 can not afford
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to do physical sporting. In order to relieve
this
Linking Words
 situation, governments and their family
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
show examples
 involvement are necessary. If
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 government set some award policy about elder
people
Use synonyms
 do
exercise
Use synonyms
 constantly, the activity about them
to do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 physical
exercises
Use synonyms
 will be promoted. A typical example is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 can produce an application
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 elder
people
Use synonyms
 to do many different kinds of
Use synonyms
exercise
Fix the agreement mistake
exercises
show examples
 on mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and elder
individuals
Use synonyms
 should follow with
Correct article usage
the teach
show examples
teach
Replace the word
teacher
show examples
,
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 have one course and
people
Use synonyms
 should take a signature after class. When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 over 65 years old continue doing
exercises
Use synonyms
, the application will give some discount coupon or electronic money and so on. The other
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
 is as important as the first one, that family members should give them some celebrate and encourage
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 do physical
exercises
Use synonyms
. And send them some information about the benefits of sports, like increasing metabolism,
Promote
Wrong verb form
Promoting
show examples
 blood and circulation,
prolong
Wrong verb form
prolonging
show examples
 life and so on. In conclusion, the phenomenon of elder
Use synonyms
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
 lack of do
Use synonyms
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 is very serious, it
Linking Words
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to the average life
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 shorter. Administration and family members have to do some
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 to solve the problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and keep going
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 plan.
Lastly
Linking Words
, let every elder citizens have
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 physical
body
Use synonyms
 and optimistic mentality.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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