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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents.

The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents.
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The given line graph illustrates how many people live in urban places in four different countries which are the
Philippines
Use synonyms
, Malaysia,Thailand and Indonesia from 1970 to 2020 and prediction till 2040. Unit is measured by the percentage At first glance, all counties' populations experienced an upward trend and will continue to increase. The population
rate
Use synonyms
 was majorly in the
Philippines
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of the given time period, Malaysia will have a significant
rate
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 the graph. Looking at the graph in detail, the
Philippines
Use synonyms
' population
rate
Use synonyms
lives
Wrong verb form
living
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 in centres was just above 30% and the proportion of Malaysians was 30%, exactly in 1970. Next 3 decades, the rates had conflicts 3 times.
Then
Linking Words
, the Malaysian percentage dramatically increased, and it was almost 80% in 2020.
According to
Linking Words
 experts' predictions, it will be increased to more than 80% in 2040.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of the
Philippines
Use synonyms
 decreased to a bit more than 40 %for 2 decades which started from 1990 to 2010.
Also
Linking Words
, that
rate
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 was equal to Indonesian citizens who live in cities centre in 2010.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Thailand's percentage was just below 20% and it rose to around 30% in 1990. Following 30 years, it remained static and it was equal to the Indonesian
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2000. The proportion of Indonesia increased sharply and reached 50%.
Also
Linking Words
, it will jump to 60% in 2040.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2040, the Thailand population
rate
Use synonyms
 will be around 50%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words philippines, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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