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Band 5

In many parts of the world, it is common for one parent to stay at home and raise a new born child while other works full time to earn money. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#parts #world #parent #home #child #works #time #money
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Nowadays, there are several options for parenting
such
 as both parents fully focusing on their work and only 1
parent
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
focusing on their career.
While
 there are several peoples that still argue, from my point of view it will be better if at least
one
parent
is commit
Change the verb form
is committed
is committing
show examples
 100% to their child compared to fully becoming a
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full-time
show examples
 working
parent
. In my opinion, it’s our job to take responsibility to raise our
children
 until grownups. If as a
parent
, we both pursue our careers, there will be a risk that our
children
 cannot be taken care of well. Even though there is a nanny or babysitter, we cannot rely on them
due to
 each person have their own rules and norms that will be difficult if we do not deliver directly to our
children
. If I flashback to time during primary school, some of my friends that have bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and habits in school were raised by their babysitter.
This
 happens
due to
 their parents
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not 100% available at their home but both pursue their careers.
While
 there will be some benefits if
one
 of the
parent
Change to a plural noun
parents
show examples
 will be focusing on their
children
, a disadvantage
also
 followed.
Due to
one
parent
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
focusing on their
children
, there will be an opportunity for loss of income to the family.
However
,
this
 issue can be tackled by having a part-time job or
open
Wrong verb form
opening
show examples
 a small or medium enterprise that can be conducted parallel when we raise our
children
.
For example
, during our
children
 goes to school, we can change our focus on our part-time job or small and medium enterprise. To summarize, if only
one
parent
 works
fulltime
Correct your spelling
full time
show examples
, it will bring many benefits to the family, especially to the
growths
Fix the agreement mistake
growth
show examples
 of their
children
. Even though there will be an opportunity loss in the family revenues, the advantages still outweigh the drawbacks because our
children
 are more important than anything.
Submitted by nadiasyifaa on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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