IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Science tells us that some activities are good for our health while some others are bad. Dispite knowing that millions of people all over the world continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think this is the case and what might be done to change it

These days, there are a lot of good indoor and outdoor activities to help balance our health needs
but
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, but
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 still a majority of people
still
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apply
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practice bad habits. The question to ask ourselves is
why
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, why
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 is
this
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 the case
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 In
this
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 essay, I will discuss my opinion about
this
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 issue and what can be done about it.
Firstly
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, technological advancement has brought about easy ways to advertise a product or engage in health promotion without going through government regulation to do it. More trendy ads are done by the public who have little knowledge of healthy living conditions.
Hence
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, individuals
rash
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rush
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 to their pages or handles to follow their lead by digging in to know what
truly
Correct word order
apply
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that information is
about
Correct word order
truly about
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.
For instance
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, an obese person who doesn't see a dietician to check his/her weight or eating habits but rather focuses on ads or pop-ups on the internet will continue to do the wrong thing in the sense of reducing weight because the right person was not included.
Moreover
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, the crowd
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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run
Correct subject-verb agreement
runs
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 those programs only focus on the profits they make after advertising their
products
Use synonyms
 and businesses. Since these are all strategies to boost their
business
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business,
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 they focus more on things that will entice the customer. To curb
this
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 problem, there should be officials who will regulate these programs to be sure that the right information is given to the audience
and
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, and
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 those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 fall victim to doing the wrong thing are punished to serve as a lesson to those who
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 like to take the same path.
In addition
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, unhealthy food
products
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 are all over the place without regulations
to
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on
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Youths are attracted to these foods
and
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, and
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 since they keep taking them, they're likely to live unhealthily. The internet brings up different types of foods each and every day
which
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, which
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 are enticing to the public
and
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, and
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therefore
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 they tend to buy them
due to
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 curiosity. To solve these issues, governments, companies
and
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, and
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individual has a role to play. In
this
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 sense
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,
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there are regulations for people who run the ads
and
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, and
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also
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apply
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the Food and Drug Authorities
also
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 investigate the variety of
products
Use synonyms
 on the market. In conclusion, I believe
by
Correct word choice
that by
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 self-discipline, one can live a healthy lifestyle. Again, the government , companies and media all have a role to play in helping the population maintain a healthy life. The media can keep advertising good health
products
Use synonyms
 and activities
and
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, and
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 the consequences when they do not work on their diet.

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structure
Make your view clear in the first lines of the essay.
planning
Plan what you want to say. Use a simple plan: opening, two main ideas, short end.
content
Give one or two firm examples to show your point.
language
Use easy links like First, Also, But, For example to join ideas.
linguistic
Check spelling and keep short sentences to avoid mistakes.
content
The writer shows a hope for action by law changes and more rules.
structure
There is a clear view that health acts are not kept by many people and a plan to fix.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • habitual behavior
  • addiction
  • public awareness campaign
  • cultural norm
  • social influence
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • economic disparity
  • coping mechanisms
  • long-term consequences
  • immediate gratification
  • marketing strategies
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • health education
  • preventative measures
  • behavioral change
What to do next:
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