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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that because the Internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #internet #children #access #facts #schools #focus #children’s #skills #relationships
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Nowadays the range of information that can be found on the internet is tremendous. What that means, is that children have unstoppable access to any kind of facts that might as well be taught in school. That leads to a group of people who
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that since it is so easy for them to get knowledge about these topics, it is pointless to talk about it in schooling facilities.
Instead
, teachers should focus on child's skills and potential ,
as well as
, on their relationships with others. In my opinion, both of these aspects should be combined in a fair amount. There is no doubt, that online networks might help us with anything that burdens us at the moment.
However
, we should be aware that not everything that we
possibly
Rephrase
apply
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may come across online is legit information proved by any authorities or scientists, which makes us unsure about what we have just read.
That is
 why we should supervise our children and
therefore
 have power over what they are searching for.
This
 is why some academic facts should be still discussed in the classroom rather than outside since it might have fatal consequences.
On the other hand
, some areas of life,
for example
, cooking or household chores could be given up in favour of more vital features.
For instance
, bullying is still something
that is
 widely spread across the whole United Kingdom.
Instead
 of focusing on activities that have to be implied in child nurture by their parents
anyways
Correct your spelling
anyway
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, we should pay attention to something that many youngsters struggle with to
this
 day.
As well as
 there should be more extracurricular classes that encourage kids to develop their passions that one day may transform into the profession that they will admire. All in all, I believe that there should be a mix of both positions. It is
prominent
Correct word choice
important
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 to remember that not everything can be replaced with independent actions, especially if we are bringing kids into
this
. Their minds are not developed well enough to recognize if any of the data found on the network is true.
Whereas
Correct word choice
However
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, we can not go too deep into serving young ones only dry facts as they will find it tedious and try to talk about
as
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apply
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important topics that will enrich their educational journey.
Submitted by olaual on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that you use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across the essay.
Task Achievement
Develop main points more thoroughly with specific examples and explanations to fully extend and support your arguments.
Task Achievement
Be careful to address all parts of the task equally to maintain a balanced approach throughout your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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