Some people argue that the government should fund music, dance, and arts lessons for children. Others believe that they should pay for these lessons themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, there is a controversy on whether artistic learning for
children
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such
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as music, dance and art
lessons
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should be aided by
government
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funds
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or the
individuals'
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individuals

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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finances.
Although
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both views hold merit, my supportive perspective would align more with the latter opinions. On the one hand, there is one main reason why the
funds
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of
government
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will bring various benefits for
children
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and their
parents
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. It is
due to
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the massive amount of money in
government
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funding. Provided that artistic
lessons
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are aided by
government
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funds
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, the enrollment fees of its classes will significantly decrease to a reasonable price.
Therefore
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, the possibility of the
parents
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letting their
children
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participate in that classes is likely to rise up which will be beneficial for the
children
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when they are encouraged to expose to the aesthetic world
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

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and help them expand their knowledge of their surroundings.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

supportive funding from the
government
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can foster the development of the
children
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.
On the other hand
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, These
lessons
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should accept money from the individuals themselves. When there is a multitude of artistic learnings outside, the
funds
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supporting those
lessons
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from the
government
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will put a huge burden on their finances because those
funds
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are used for numerous purposes.
Thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the citizens should be the investors for these
lessons
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, which can result in the expensive price of enrolling on those subjects because those
lessons
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have to rely on the finances of individuals to improve the infrastructure and maintain its activities.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, those aesthetic
lessons
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will offer maximized contented experiences for the young participants in order to meet the expectation of their
parents
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because of their dedicated
funds
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which foster the
lessons
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' improvement
such
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as facilities, enthusiastic teachers... In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the
government
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funds
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

artistic learning will encourage more
children
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to enrol, the money from their
parents
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should be the main income of its
lessons
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when the encouragement of showing potential effects to
children
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should be the main goal.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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