IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both point of view and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sum #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport #point
In some territories, it is thought that it's vital to spend loads of money to build new railway systems for high-speed
trains
 between cities.
However
, others believe that
this
 money should be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Acing the current public
transportions
Correct your spelling
transportation
transportations
. I personally agree with the first idea because it has long-term advantages
such
 as
air
 pollution reduction and helping the traffic issue.
To begin
 with, a significant number of buses and
taxies
Correct your spelling
taxis
show examples
 are aged and replacing them requires a huge amount of money
while
 they are the main cause of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
 pollution.
in addition
 to
this
, they are not as fast and convenient as
trains
.
According to
 recent research on the driver's strike day,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
 pollution has been reduced by 25%
while
 the drivers were on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strike for a week in 2019.
Also
, people who had to commute by
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
show examples
 during that week claimed that they were more comfortable using them and got to work faster.
On the other hand
,
trains
 can carry a bigger number of people which leads to
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 cars on the streets. To illustrate, a train is almost four times larger than a bus and about eight times longer than a cab,
therefore
,
instead
 of using eight cars and four buses we can have only two
trains
 which can tackle the traffic issue to a large extent.
To conclude
, individuals have opposite opinions about whether to improve the existing transport system or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
invest in the new inter-city railroads. I opine the latter idea would be beneficial
due to
 the fact that it can solve the problem of polluted
air
 and will reduce the traffic issue
Submitted by mahsa_hasanikousha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: