IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encaurage people torcarisumoless sugar. Do you agres or disagree?

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Currently, there are several ingredients that can create addictions in the
people
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 that consumed it,
for example
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, alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and
sugar
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.
Although
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 others are labelled as bad materials and there are already policies to control these elements,
sugar
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 is still out of the law.
People
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 tend to make a motion to reduce
sugar
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 intake by increasing the price of goods that contain
sugar
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.
While
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 there are still arguments over
this
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, I agree that the idea to make food or drink higher is the correct way. The more
sugar
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 we consume, the riskier for us to get
diabetes
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. Nowadays,
diabetes
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 is one of the diseases that creates a lot of patients and makes the government become more suffer.
For example
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, all Indonesian
people
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 are covered by the national
health
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 insurance. With more
people
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 coming to the hospital for their
diabetes
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, the more they need to spend on the
health
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 of their
people
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. If foods or drinks that contain higher
sugar
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 is charged more, the money can go to the
health
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 funds to give subsidy for other illness. Based on medical research,
diabetes
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 is one of the disorders that can create complications to other infections. As the blood gets thicker
due to
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 high concentrations of
sugar
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, the bloodstream will have trouble going from one organ to the others. With
this
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 in mind, several
health
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 issues
such
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 as heart attack and stroke are very likely to happen.
Due to
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 many possibilities of complications, products that contain plenty of
sugar
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 need to be disciplined by applying extra charges.
This
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 situation already occurs in Thailand and
diabetes
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 patients over 10 years are decreasing.
To conclude
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, I agree that items that have a dense composition of
sugar
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 need to be regulated by providing extra charges to the clients.
This
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 step needs to be taken to decrease the cash outflow from the insurance and decrease
diabetes
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 mellitus patients throughout the years.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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