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Band 5.5

The chart below give information on the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projection for 2050.

The chart below give information on the ages of the population of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projection for 2050.
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The given charts illustrate the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 of ages in Yamen and Italy in 2010 and
projection
Correct article usage
the projection
show examples
 for 2050. As a whole,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the main factor influencing
this
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy was the age of 15-59
years
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 in the future. During the past and future,the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 in
Yemen
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens who are more than 60
years
Use synonyms
 old ,
whereas
Linking Words
 the minimum
number
Use synonyms
 of people youngsters who were 0~14
years
Use synonyms
 in the past to the future. Remarkably, both countries are predicted to record an increase in the elderly
population
Use synonyms
. Moving to the details, in
Yemen
Use synonyms
, the old
population
Use synonyms
 showed only a small minority which is 3.6% in 2000. It was less than Italy about a fifth. There was a significant difference between young teenagers in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy in 2000. The
number
Use synonyms
 of 0~14years citizens was occupied half.
However
Linking Words
,in Italy, it was the lowest
number
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,the age of 15-59 in Italy was the highest. When it comes to 2050, the 0-14 age group in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 is forecasted to account for 37% which is higher than that figure in Italy roughly 25%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of the old in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 still shows a small minority.
However
Linking Words
, in Italy, it will increase by about 18%. The
number
Use synonyms
 of citizens 15~59
years
Use synonyms
 will decrease and occupy more than two-fifths which will be less than 15% in the past.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, yemen, years, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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