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Band 4.5

It is generally seen that most working people do not do enough physical exercise What are the reasons behind this? How can this problem be solved?

#people #exercise
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Today, the discussion is all about most working
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
apply
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not
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 enough physical
exercise
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that's
Correct your spelling
that is
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 the biggest issue
arriving
Verb problem
occurring
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 nowadays.
firstly
Linking Words
,
let's
Unnecessary verb
let
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 us know why physical
exercise
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 is important for us, If we do physical
exercise
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 every day it helps us
keep
Verb problem
stay
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 more active and energetic throughout the day.
exercise
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 is the best way to release your stress
exercise
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 makes you
more calm
Replace the words
calmer
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. 
secondly
Linking Words
, the reasons behind working
people
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 do not do enough physical
exercise
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because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 of their busy schedule or we can say
due to
Linking Words
 their easiness they feel very tired after coming home or we can
also
Linking Words
 say that working
people
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 don't have a proper balance work schedule.
For example
Linking Words
: imagine there is a boy working in XYZ company and he wants back to his home and he has the plan to go to the gym but he feels tired so refuses to the gym that's called easiness no
activities
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 and he will eat and sleep and repeat the same next day. now let's talk about how can
this
Linking Words
 problem be solved, 1st- There should be a balance between work and your personal life in your personal life you should take a few hours for
exercise
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. 2nd- don't be so easy. 3rd- Every company should make every weak some kind of physical
exercise
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activities
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 to keep their employees more active.
people
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 should play and join a gym and join yoga to keep themself more active.
while
Linking Words
 concluding my thoughts, I would like to say nowadays it's very important to do physical
activities
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 it helps keep you more active and make you more calm and stress-free. so start doing
activities
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 to keep yourself healthy.
Submitted by lizasingh1726 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the points in a more coherent and logical manner. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and transitions smoothly to the next.
task response
Pay more attention to addressing all parts of the task prompt. Ensure that each part of the prompt is fully developed and supported with relevant examples and explanations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exercise regimen
  • personal goals
  • individual pace
  • convenience
  • motivation
  • peer pressure
  • structured classes
  • social dynamics
  • accountability
  • external motivation
  • self-discipline
  • peer support
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