The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

#show #sales #sectors #zealand

The given two pie chart

illustrate

Change the verb form

illustrates

show examples

the proportion of four types

online

Change preposition

of online

show examples

sales

in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.

Overall

, travel and film/music made up the largest proportion of the total online

sales

in two selected years.In all types

online

Change preposition

of online

show examples

sales

there was only minimal change over the 10 years period. In 2003, it is apparent that 36% of the total

sales

were travel sector related, which was the major online sale of the year.

However

, in 2013, a drop of 7% resulted in the same sector which became the second biggest portion of total online

sales

. Film and music made the third largest portion of the

overall

sales

in 2003 (21%)

whereas

, in 2013, the figure rose to 33% which successfully hit the highest

sales

However

, over the decade, both figures

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

declined sharply to 29% and 16% respectively.As for the sector of books, it had increased slightly from 19% in 2003 to 22% in 2013.

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Thu Jun 22 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

157 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Comparative analysis
E-commerce
Retail sectors
Growth rate
Decade
Decline
Trends
Online transactions
Consumer behavior
Market share
Significant increase/decrease
Digital era
Accessibility
User-friendly platform
Market dynamics
Predictive outlook

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The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others belleve it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

Some people think that building tall building is the best way to create more housing space, while other people believe it's better to build many houses on land. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, a lot of people are able to do their work from home. Discuss both the advantage and disadvantages of this develpment.