The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

#show #sales #sectors #zealand

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The given two pie chart

illustrate

Change the verb form

illustrates

show examples

the proportion of four types

online

Change preposition

of online

show examples

sales

Use synonyms

in New Zealand between 2003 and 2013.

Overall

Linking Words

, travel and film/music made up the largest proportion of the total online

sales

Use synonyms

in two selected years.In all types

online

Change preposition

of online

show examples

sales

Use synonyms

there was only minimal change over the 10 years period. In 2003, it is apparent that 36% of the total

sales

Use synonyms

were travel sector related, which was the major online sale of the year.

However

Linking Words

, in 2013, a drop of 7% resulted in the same sector which became the second biggest portion of total online

sales

Use synonyms

. Film and music made the third largest portion of the

overall

Linking Words

sales

Use synonyms

in 2003 (21%)

whereas

Linking Words

, in 2013, the figure rose to 33% which successfully hit the highest

sales

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, over the decade, both figures

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

declined sharply to 29% and 16% respectively.As for the sector of books, it had increased slightly from 19% in 2003 to 22% in 2013.

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Thu Jun 22 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

157 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Comparative analysis
E-commerce
Retail sectors
Growth rate
Decade
Decline
Trends
Online transactions
Consumer behavior
Market share
Significant increase/decrease
Digital era
Accessibility
User-friendly platform
Market dynamics
Predictive outlook

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The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Popular events like football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?