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Band 6

Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangeret species while others think it is a waste of valuable money. What is your opinion?

#people #money #endangeret #species #waste
Budgeting the
government
's resources is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
vital in order for a country to survive. They should allocate the right amount of
money
 to each sector to support their
programs
 for the citizens.
However
, some
people
 say that there should be more
money
 spent on caring for the almost extinct species
while
 others are saying the opposite. In my opinion, it will be a waste of
money
. On the one hand, as humans, we have the responsibility to take care of our mother nature.
This
 includes plants and animals ,especially the endangered ones. If we increase the resources for
this
, future generations will still be able to witness the beauty of our environment.
For instance
, in the Philippines, the
government
 is protecting its national animal which is the Philippine monkey-eating eagle, by establishing an enormous sanctuary for them to freely fly and mutate.
Thus
, increasing its number for the past 7 years. Up until
this
 era, they could still see personally what their national animal looks like and not just
thru
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 books.
On the other hand
, with the recent recession happening around the globe, there are more important things to worry about rather than the endangered species.
Firstly
, the
government
 could allocate more resources to
health
. One of the main problems for
people
 is the lack of
health
programs
. If given more attention, more lives would be saved and not many diseases would pop up.
For instance
, during the recent COVID-19 pandemic, those
people
 from third-world countries are suffering
due to
 a lack of hospitals and hospital equipment.
Hence
, lots of fatalities. If only the
government
 saved more
money
 for
health
 issues, death could be prevented.
Secondly
, they could
provide
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 more attention to food. There is an increasing percentage of hungry
people
 every day, which is a portal of myriads of illnesses. With much focus given to food
programs
, not many
people
 would starve to death. In South Africa,
for example
, the
government
 is increasing their feeding
programs
 to reach even those that are in far-flung areas.
Thru
Correct your spelling
Through
show examples
this
, world hunger will be reduced and soon will be eradicated. To recapitulate, we have a responsibility to protect our environment.
However
, we should
also
 think of what to prioritize like our
health
 and food. Without these, we would not have the energy to help save our mother nature.
Submitted by eric.benedict520 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion. Make sure that the main points are well supported with relevant details and examples. Maintain consistency in the logical structure of the essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a complete response to the task with clear and comprehensive ideas. Relevant examples have been used effectively to support the points made. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined to outline the essay's argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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