Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
many education have been insisting on teaching students some courses without considering
child’s
preferences. some Fix the agreement mistake
children’s
educators
claims
that every child should know how to play musical instrument. In the following paragraphs, I shall explain why I disagree with Change the verb form
claim
this
statement.
Every children
has their own preferences of Change to a singular noun
child
subject
to study. The educators
does
not have to dictate Change the verb form
do
anyone
what they need to study. It is because everyone has the ability to learn based Change preposition
to anyone
various
factors. if the Change preposition
on various
educators
persist on the subject
that the children
do not like to follow that one, their talent will stay intact and the educators
cannot detect their strong abilities on a particular subject
instead
their genuine talent will be obliterate
. statistically, it is estimated that only 25% of Change the verb form
be obliterated
children
have musical learning tendencies, whereas
other
75% of the Correct article usage
the other
children
like to study different subject
.
It has a detrimental influence on Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
children
’s emotion
if they Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
dictated
to focus on a Add a missing verb
are dictated
subject
they do not like. It is believed that every children
Change to a singular noun
child
have
their own talent and abilities. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
therefore
if children
will be
measured based on Wrong verb form
are
the
Correct article usage
a
subject
like musical instrument
they are more likely to fail or in the best case sneraio Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
the
will pass Correct your spelling
they
the
it with Remove the article
apply
the
low mark. Correct article usage
a
Subsequently
it has a negative impact on Add a comma
Subsequently,
children
and they consider they’re not enough to pursue they
Correct pronoun usage
their
desire
career. Shockingly, it takes Wrong verb form
desired
huge
effort to get the Add an article
a huge
children
out of the situation. For
example
A friend of mine was asked to become a doctor, Add a comma
example,
however
, he had a fond for engineering. after a few of
years of studying medical Change preposition
apply
courses
he Add a comma
courses,
then
shift
his career to architectural engineering but his emotions Wrong verb form
shifted
demolished
by the cause.
In conclusion, Add a missing verb
were demolished
children
must be respected by the educators
. otherwise
it has Add a comma
otherwise,
an irretrievable effects
on Correct the article-noun agreement
an irretrievable effect
irretrievable effects
children
. therefore
it not only destroys children
’s emotion
but Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
also
it
affects Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
society as a whole.Correct article usage
apply
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task response
Your introduction and conclusion are present but can be improved with a clearer thesis statement and summary of the main points. Work on organizing your main points in a more logical order to strengthen your essay's coherence. Utilize more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments and address the task prompt more directly.
coherence and cohesion
You have provided a clear response to the prompt and expressed comprehensive ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the organization of your ideas and the use of relevant examples to bolster your arguments.