Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures

Some individuals point out that in

order

to ramp up public

health

the number of

facilities

might

increase

while

, Some

people

believe that it has

fractional

Add an article

a fractional

show examples

effect on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public

health

. In the following

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will discuss both views and elaborate

them

Change preposition

on them

show examples

. The number of athletic

facilities

create

Change the verb form

creates

show examples

a sense of passion for the public. they would normally establish in parks, gyms and so on. Thousands of

people

would go to parks for jogging, running and

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

some

Correct determiner usage

show examples

pleasant time and these

facilities

could draw many individual’s attention.

For

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

Iran

Add a comma

,Iran

show examples

there are many

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

facilities

, which are established in parks.

It is clear that

those

people

who may go to the park and work

with

Change preposition

show examples

the athletic

facilities

are much happier than those who are not attending. I agree with

this

opinion

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it not only helps the

people

who use these

facilities

but

also

they may affect others to come and work with

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

them. Some individuals argue that it has

marginal

Add an article

a marginal

show examples

effect on public

health

and it is because the

facilities

itself does not make

people

healthy and other measures require to be addressed before any changes in the public may take place.

Firstly

, the mindset might be rooted in the brain in

order

increase

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public

health

. Some

regulation

Fix the agreement mistake

regulations

show examples

must be put in place in

order

increase

social awareness.

Secondly

, the expertise must assess

what

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are main drivers of

people

order

to make them active. I disagree with

this

statement and it is because if the authorities and expertise waiting for the assessment

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public

health

will be decreased.

In addition

, erecting some

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

facilities

might be

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

sufficient enough to

increase

social awareness. In conclusion, I agree with the

people

who believe that the best approach for public

health

is to

increase

sports

facilities

and the reason for

that is

that these

facilities

draw many

people

’s attention.

Therefore

, it makes

people

happier in their lives.

However

, some

people

argue that

expertise

Replace the word

experts

show examples

need to assess what are the main drivers to make them more exercise.

Submitted by mohammad.saffarian on Thu Jun 22 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

344 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

public health
sports facilities
physical activity
exercise
chronic diseases
heart disease
obesity
inclusivity
participation
safe environment
social interaction
community engagement
comprehensive approach
health education programs
environmental factors
healthcare infrastructure
quality healthcare services
public health initiatives

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary Schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study.

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. This has led to an increase in the number of elderly people who need care, often putting pressure on families and public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?