IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #advertisements #products #lives #support
Promoting their
products
 through various channels has been always the most popular tool for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies to sell their
products
.
Although
 some
people
 believe that we can discover new merchandise via marketing, I personally agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisement has the power of convincing
people
 to purchase unnecessary
items
. On the one hand, advertisement is required to allow
people
 to learn about the
products
 that can be beneficial to them. Some
items
 specifically made for
target
Correct article usage
the target
show examples
 audience may not be found in the neighbourhood stores.
As a consequence
 of the development of online marketing,
people
 from all around the world have access to a wide range of
products
 and they can effortlessly order them online.
For instance
, my mother has diabetes and she has been dealing with some challenges
such
 as non-healing wounds that come with
this
 disease. One day we saw a TV ad about a scar cream that was specifically produced for diabetes patients. We ordered that cream online and she has been satisfied with the results. I can say that it helped her greatly. If we did not see the on-screen ad about
this
 cream, she would not have had the chance to heal her scars.
On the other hand
, marketing has the power of convincing
people
 to purchase the
items
 they do not necessarily require. There are a great number of various
products’
Change noun form
products
show examples
 promotions on social media, TV and radio. Doubtlessly, we can say that most of these
products
 are not there
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 aid
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 but for the
companies’
Correct your spelling
companies
show examples
 profit.
Additionally
, they are designed to create spending temptation. It is hard to withstand especially the discounts or offers accompanying these
products
.
For example
,
although
 I create a shopping list every time before I do grocery shopping, I end up buying more
items
 for the reason that the flyers I receive push me to purchase more than I need. There are so many discounts,
offers
Correct word choice
and offers
show examples
 I come across that if I do not take advantage of them, I feel like I would lose a great deal.
This
 is the power that the advertising companies have over us. In conclusion,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
product promotion
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 advantages
such
 as helping
people
 find out the
items
 that are beneficial to them, more often than not it triggers
people
 to spend money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
items
 that they are not in need of.
Submitted by akmangizem on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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