IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features in Vietnam in the year 2005,2008,2010.

The graph below shows the percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features in Vietnam in the year 2005,2008,2010.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph below illustrates the percentage of different phone features used by owners in Vietnam from 2005 to 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
users
Use synonyms
 of
Take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 photos increased, the opposite was true for Record audio and Send &
reveive
Correct your spelling
receive
 text messages.
Also
Linking Words
, the figure for Make Calls
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 used by most people. In 2005, everyone who owns a phone used Make Calls in comparison with only 65%
Use synonyms
users
Change preposition
of users
show examples
 of Take
photos
Correct your spelling
Photos
show examples
. Over the following 5 years, the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
users
Use synonyms
 of Make Calls
unchanged
Add a missing verb
was unchanged
show examples
 after 3 years, before
fell
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
 slightly to 97% in 2010.
By contrast
Linking Words
 , the figure for
Take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 photos increased to 77% in 2010. Looking at the other features, the
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
users
Use synonyms
 of Send & receive text messages and Record audio were similar in 2005, 82% and 78% respectively. After that, both continued to decrease significantly, at 68% and 63% for
Send
Wrong verb form
sending
show examples
 & receive text messages and Record audio individually in 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words users with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: