Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?

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Some
people
argued that
media
films contributed to violence becoming soared,
while
others believe
this
is caused by the shortage of job vacancies and jobless in society. I am convinced that the unemployment system is mainly a significant possibility in contributing to the case ,not the
media
. I will give an overview in the following essay.
On the other hand
, some
people
pointed out that social
media
is the most contributor to climbing the criminal rate.
To begin
with,
crime
scientists revealed discovered that
media
such
as television, social
media
apps, and movie have had quite a massive impact on youngsters to do crimes from light
crime
to heavy
crime
.
Furthermore
, bad things from
media
will manipulate and rapidly absorbed by juveniles to copy .
Consequently
, they tend to do criminal activities because of what they have watched and accepted as a common thing.
However
,
this
factor is recorded around 20-30 per cent in world statistics as the reason why
people
did violent or lawbreaker activities.
Subsequently
, one inevitable consequence of job unavailability is the erosion of morals,
this
is lead to
people
who tend to be
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
show examples
as well as
Replace the word
criminals
show examples
crime
.
Moreover
, Individuals who did not have well occupations for living, and encouraged to do shortcut way in earning money, as ,result whether they could steal money and rob someone's wealth. It is a proven possibility
why
Correct word choice
that
show examples
many developing countries struggle with
this
situation, in which the
crime
rate is affected by the shortage of employment. To illustrate, Jakarta the capital city of Indonesia associated with
this
case, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lack of job opportunities contributed to a
climbing
Replace the word
climb
show examples
in
crime
percentage.
Hence
, Government should mitigate
this
case and do some programs to decline the rates. In conclusion,
although
some scientists said television program has quite a significant impact on the
crime
rate,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
I remain firmly convinced that occupation is the main contributor to the significant
crime
that occurred.
Submitted by darmasamuelhutajulu on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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