Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom

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Nowadays,

children

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have too much freedom in some aspects.

Although

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this

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is the case for some families, I believe that they should be given

time

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to relax.

To begin

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with,

children

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today have too much freedom when it comes to access to technology which is a major source or form of addiction among teenagers ,especially the internet. Virtual community has somewhat become a reality for most youngsters and their immediate family become a secondary or worse temporary, jeopardizing communication among family members which is the foundation of good morals and right conduct.

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, allowing them to play video games and surf the internet without restrictions and limits may lead to a sedentary lifestyle.

This

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is a risk factor for health problems like obesity and cardiac issues aside from consuming excessive junk foods and snacks with high sugar content which young

children

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have easy access to as well.

Furthermore

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children

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also

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need to have downtime to relax.

Firstly

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, break

time

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from the usual academic chores of a child is essential for a well-balanced individual.

For example

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, they can join an art club which some schools offer, where they can learn how to appreciate beauty and expand their horizons.

Secondly

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, breathing

time

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gives youngsters a chance to develop individualism and independence.

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, youths can join youth camps where parents are not allowed to sit. Being away from their parents and home can help them be confident enough to make tough decisions and solve problems on their own. These good qualities can be beneficial in their future careers

as well as

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in developing creative minds to achieve their dreams. In conclusion,

although

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young

children

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have more freedom in lifestyle like the choice of food and leisure, I believe they should have breathing

time

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which will allow them to develop as individuals.

Submitted by michelleagustinbalagot11 on Fri Jun 23 2023

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Introduction & Conclusion

The essay does have an introduction and conclusion present, which is good, but they could be further strengthened by clearly stating your position in the introduction and summarizing it again in the conclusion for reinforcement.

Coherence & Cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is present, with clear paragraphs that each discuss a separate point. However, transitions and linking words could be used more effectively to tie the ideas together.

Supporting Main Points

Your main points are supported with some examples, but they could be more specific and clearly connected to the argument you are making. Personal or more varied examples would enhance the argument's strength.

Task Response

The response to the task is somewhat complete, but your position on the extent of your agreement or disagreement is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Make sure your opinion is clearly expressed and maintained throughout the essay, with a clear thesis statement that is referred back to in each paragraph.

Clear & Comprehensive Ideas

The ideas presented are clear but not always comprehensive. Develop each point fully with deeper analysis or explanation to ensure that the ideas are not only stated but also explored in terms of their implications and consequences.

Relevant & Specific Examples

The examples used are somewhat relevant but lack specificity. Using more concrete and detailed examples can substantiate your arguments more effectively, making them more persuasive and less general. Avoid broad statements by providing factual, precise examples.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The importance of art lectures, such as drawing and painting, are equivalent to that of other subjects, on the development of a child, thereby, students in high schools should compulsorily learn them. This author shares the same view with this statement as skills enhancement, and good scores.

Travelling abroad is a common trend nowadays for different reasons.This essay will discuss two main reasons for this cause and point out the negative impacts that would have on Society. Reason : Employment opportunities and Lifestyle Negative Impact : Getting expensive and competion in job market

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to raise the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some believed in many countries, the investment of public in arts can be justified. Others thinks that government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.