IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car.

The pie chart below shows the reasons why people travel to work by bicycle or by car.
#people #travel #work #bicycle #car
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Given pie charts illustrate the causes
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 transport by cycle or by driving a car. The units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,two main reasons for people who prefer bicycles to go to
work
Use synonyms
 are health and fitness
as well as
Linking Words
 less pollution.
While
Linking Words
, for the public that prefer
cars
Use synonyms
 to travel to
work
Use synonyms
 gave us high percentages on reasons
such
Linking Words
 as comfort and distance. The need to carry things to
work
Use synonyms
 and safety for those who go to
work
Use synonyms
 by car showed the same results,and
also
Linking Words
 for individuals that chose to keep healthy and fit and for less pollution. Members of society who picked cycling showed 30% on both health and fitness and help to keep the environment less polluted.
In contrast
Linking Words
,those who travel to
work
Use synonyms
 by car prioritized comfort -which is 40% -over the rest of the part .
Also
Linking Words
,the distance between home and
work
Use synonyms
 is the second reason and showed 21% after the comfortableness. Not facing parking concerns which is 15 % showed almost the same results with just 2 per cent lower for no cost for bikes.The figure for the need for a place to carry things is 14% for the public that chose
cars
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the safety of
cars
Use synonyms
 rather than bikes was the lowest with only 11%. People who considered the fastness of bikes showed 12%
while
Linking Words
 the proportion for those who chose
cars
Use synonyms
 was slightly higher with just 2% and showed 14% respectively.
Submitted by yusupovauldana65 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, cars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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