IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that constructing more
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 is a better approach for public
health
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 betterment than other
sollutions
Correct your spelling
solutions
.
However
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 claim that it is not efficient
enought
Correct your spelling
enough
 and will not influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nation’s
health
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. I believe that the increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
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 is not the best way to improve the
health
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 of the population, because
sport
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 is a time-consuming activity for most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 and there are other more significant factors which
impact’s
Change the noun form
impacts
impact
show examples
 on body’s
health
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.
People
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 will not utilize these public
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
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. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they haven’t got so much spare time to do exercise and on the weekends
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great number of
people
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 prefer to restore by sleeping or consuming mass media
contant
Correct your spelling
content
.
This
Linking Words
 way, only children and teenagers can probably visit these
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 courts
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Aktobe the majority of
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
club’s
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club
show examples
facilities
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 visitors are
undereighteen
Correct your spelling
under eighteen
. Visiting
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sport
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sports
show examples
facilities
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 is costly, so public
health
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 will not improve significantly. Because a lot of
people
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 are unfortunate and have a mere wage.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to afford
attending
Change the verb form
to attend
show examples
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Kazakhstan
Add a comma
,Kazakhstan
show examples
 there are a lot of
people
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 who get a minimum
sallory
Correct your spelling
salary
 for living, which is about 200$.
However
Linking Words
, building
such
Linking Words
facilities
Use synonyms
 can allow some
people
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 to work out, as there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will be a lot of different places to choose from.
Also
Linking Words
, the
yougsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
can
also
Linking Words
 visit
such
Linking Words
 clubs. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 will not change the whole situation,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can have a mere effect and a step to solve it.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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