IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer #english #home
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph compares the daily amount of
electric
Replace the word
electricity
show examples
 usage during
summer
Use synonyms
 and
winter
Use synonyms
 in Britain and the pie chart shows the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 used
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
winter
Use synonyms
 is much higher than in
summer
Use synonyms
. The majority of the consumption of
electricity
Use synonyms
 is used for heating water and rooms. Demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
 is at its lowest in both
summer
Use synonyms
 and
winter
Use synonyms
 between 6am and 9am, at around 14000
units
Use synonyms
 and just above 30000
units
Use synonyms
 respectively. The usage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
summer
Use synonyms
 continues to rise and reaches
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 peak of 20000
units
Use synonyms
 between 12 noon and 3pm,
while
Linking Words
 the figure in
winter
Use synonyms
 in the afternoon increases and
at
Add a missing verb
is at
show examples
 its highest between 9pm and midnight, at around 43000
units
Use synonyms
. Most British people
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 electric power for heating rooms and water, it accounts for 52.5% of the proportion.
Followd
Correct your spelling
Followed
Follow
 by 17.5% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 using
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
washing machines, ovens and kettles. The remaining 30% shows
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal
pecentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
 for lighting, tv and radio
catagory
Correct your spelling
category
, and
vaccum
Correct your spelling
vacuum
 cleaners, food mixers and electric tools
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
.
Submitted by albedosnow on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words summer, winter, electricity, units with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demand for electricity
  • typical days
  • line graph
  • seasonal variation
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • exceeds
  • units of electricity
  • distribution of electricity usage
  • heating
  • water heating
  • combined total
  • major uses
  • lighting
  • ovens
  • kettles
  • washing machines
  • miscellaneous appliances
  • electronics
  • total usage
  • account for
What to do next:
Look at other essays: