There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

Students are under stress

due to

the need to succeed in their examinations,

therefore

some people think it is a good idea to remove other activities from the syllabus. In

this

essay, I will explain why I strongly disagree with

this

statement. Performing practical skills will facilitate better learning.

This

is because when a student takes a break and

does

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

exercise, their neuronal network gets consolidated, which means they will be able to recall the information faster during a test. To illustrate

this

, an experiment was done on mice, where mice who were allowed to roam free after going through a maze were able to recall the maze faster than those mice who were not allowed to roam free. Thereby reinforcing the idea that physical activity is essential for memory.

Furthermore

, undertaking classes which help with daily living,

such

as cooking, will aid the youth

further

down the line.

This

is because

Add the comma(s)

,in

show examples

a university setting,

freshman

Fix the agreement mistake

freshmen

show examples

will be independent

therefore

Correct word choice

and therefore

show examples

will need to accomplish daily chores on their own.

For instance

, a bright pupil gets accepted into Oxford

university

Correct your spelling

University

show examples

, but they not have the skills required to live on their own.

Hence

, rather than concentrating on

studies

Correct pronoun usage

their studies

show examples

, they will have to take out time to learn the skills to survive. In conclusion, extracurricular activities should not be taken out from primary schools because

this

improves the youth's learning process and it is beneficial for graduates to deal with daily tasks which require no academic knowledge.

Overall

this

will reduce the stress that the next generation will face and it will aid in their concentration.

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Your friend is thinking about learning to drive and would like some advice. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter • say why a driving licence is advantageous • recommend a driving school • give any extra guidance/tips

Some people believe that photography is an art form, while others argue that it is simply a way to document real life. Do you think photography can be considered an art form? Provide reasons for your answer.

More and more plastics wastes are polluting world cities, countryside and oceans. What are the problems caused by plastic wastes? What measures should be taken to solve it?

In the 20th century, contact between many different parts of the world developed rapidly through telecommunication and air travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?