The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of kids aged 5 to 14 in Australia being interested in different activities in their spare time.

It is clear that

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watching TV or videos is the most popular activity for both

boys

Use synonyms

and

girls

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nowadays.

While

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skateboarding or rollerblading is much preferred by

boys

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, the opposite is true for art and craft.

Besides

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, bike riding

as well as

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electronic computer games shares the same proportion. As can be seen, watching TV or online videos takes up the largest percentage of

boys

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and

girls

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in Australia, at 100%. Meanwhile, the figure for

boys

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who love bike riding and playing games stands at 80%, compared to about 60% for

girls

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Additionally

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, many

girls

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find art and craft more fascinating as nearly 60% of them take part in

this

Linking Words

activity,

while

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the sum of

boys

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is 20% lower.

By contrast

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, skateboarding or rollerblading attracts more

boys

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' participation. It takes up 40% of

boys

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whereas

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the number of

girls

Use synonyms

makes up only 20%.

danphamngochaSat Jun 24 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

166 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

leisure activities
favored
noteworthy trends
disparities
participating
popularity
demographics
speculating
surprising findings
technological advancements
societal changes
promotional efforts
educational planning
balanced lifestyle

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The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.

Some people say that watching TV programs and movies related to crime are popular. What do you think it's popular and how does it affect to society?

Around the world, children learn English as a second language at school. However, in some places, they also learn at kindergarten (pre-school care, when children are aged two to five). Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of learning English at kindergarten.

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

What are the challenges of adopting a sustainable lifestyle? What practical actions can individuals take to contribute to sustainability?