IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The healthcare plays an important role due to the influence of a variety of disease in society.The medical science has the most crucial aspects in development all over the world for two centuries.

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The healthcare
Correct article usage
Healthcare
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 plays an important role
due to
Linking Words
 the influence of a variety of
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 in society.
The medical
Correct article usage
Medical
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science
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 has
the
Add a missing verb
been the
show examples
 most crucial
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
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in
Change preposition
of
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 development all over the world for two centuries.
Although
Linking Words
 the top
technology
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 in healthcare is becoming vital from day to day, especially which is related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical
science
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 commence to take care of their
health
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, it is impossible to live without advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 that gives individuals much more opportunities to reside with ease. Because of broadband connection internet,
people
Use synonyms
 have a large amount of information about medicine,
for instance
Linking Words
, dwellers can know all hospitals worldwide inside out, not by attending them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
technology
Use synonyms
 which is associated
to
Change preposition
with
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical
science
Use synonyms
 every day is more fluid than
people
Use synonyms
 suppose and
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
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this
Linking Words
 kind of
science
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 is essential for
community
Add an article
the community
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.
The life
Correct article usage
Life
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 in
this
Linking Words
 modern world society is becoming
convinent
Correct your spelling
convenient
 for residents who have many chances to live happily owing to the developed top
technology
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. The
technology
Use synonyms
 in medical
science
Use synonyms
 is getting in high demand because of
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
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 of human beings, because
population
Add an article
the population
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 in
this
Linking Words
 world desire in order to live longer and
therefore
Linking Words
 they start to care for their
health
Use synonyms
.
The advanced
Correct article usage
Advanced
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 medical
technology
Use synonyms
 has very far-reaching effects on
people
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’s
health
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 and lifestyles.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the life expectancy is around 72 for women and 70 for men and it is shown that
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 begin to take care of themselves so as to have acceptable
health
Use synonyms
 and lives. In conclusion, it is noticed that
people
Use synonyms
 are living in the era of globalisation that’s why the top medical
technology
Use synonyms
 has a significant influence on inhabitants’
health
Use synonyms
 and lifestyles

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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