Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity? (Write 250 words.)

Childhood obesity is one of the most serious health problems today, especially in developed countries and developing countries.
This
problem has many negative effects on
children
’s health and the government should be concerned about these issues. In my opinion, the government should control and release policies to reduce
this
problem. Changing the consumer’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
is one of the most significant reasons why
children
are overweight in the present day.
Children
in the past usually ate healthy
food
and homemade
food
more than in recent times.
In contrast
, the new generation of young age typically eats junk
foods
and ultra-process
foods
such
as hamburgers, bakery, sausage, and red meat for a long time.
As a result
, they will gain high energy from these unhealthy
foods
and be overweight with diabetes in the future. So, the government should control the number of junk
food
in the school and support the
children
to consume healthy
food
.
Furthermore
, reducing
exercise
is one of the main reasons why
children
have obesity in recent years because the sports complex or
exercise
areas are not nearly located in their houses.
For example
, I always ran around a park and attended yoga classes when I was a university student. After I graduated from the university in 2017, the nearest jogging park
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
located a
kilometer
Change the spelling
kilometre
show examples
from my house and
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
not have any sports complex.
As a result
, my weight is higher than in the past and I will be obese in the future. So, I should have a home
exercise
schedule that can reduce the overweight’s risk in the future. In conclusion, changes in consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
and
exercise
are the primary causes of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young age obesity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years and everyone should
concerns
Change the verb form
concern
show examples
it by
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
foods
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school and have their
exercise
planning.
In addition
, the administration should support not only the measures in the school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
the infrastructure
such
as parks and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
that everyone can use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good health.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task distinctly, specifying causes and measures separately to enhance clarity, e.g., under different paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the flow of your essay. Slight re-organization of ideas might help.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider making the connection between every example you give and your main argument clearer to emphasize support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion which clearly states your opinion.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples promote better understanding of the points made.
Task Achievement
Successfully identifies primary causes, such as changing consumer behavior and lack of exercise, and how policies can tackle these causes.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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