Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity? (Write 250 words.)

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Childhood obesity is one of the most serious health problems today, especially in developed countries and developing countries.

This

problem has many negative effects on

children

’s health and the government should be concerned about these issues. In my opinion, the government should control and release policies to reduce

this

problem. Changing the consumer’s

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

is one of the most significant reasons why

children

are overweight in the present day.

Children

in the past usually ate healthy

food

and homemade

food

more than in recent times.

In contrast

, the new generation of young age typically eats junk

foods

and ultra-process

foods

such

as hamburgers, bakery, sausage, and red meat for a long time.

As a result

, they will gain high energy from these unhealthy

foods

and be overweight with diabetes in the future. So, the government should control the number of junk

food

in the school and support the

children

to consume healthy

food

Furthermore

, reducing

exercise

is one of the main reasons why

children

have obesity in recent years because the sports complex or

exercise

areas are not nearly located in their houses.

For example

, I always ran around a park and attended yoga classes when I was a university student. After I graduated from the university in 2017, the nearest jogging park

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

located a

kilometer

Change the spelling

kilometre

show examples

from my house and

does

Wrong verb form

did

show examples

not have any sports complex.

As a result

, my weight is higher than in the past and I will be obese in the future. So, I should have a home

exercise

schedule that can reduce the overweight’s risk in the future. In conclusion, changes in consumer

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and

exercise

are the primary causes of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young age obesity in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent years and everyone should

concerns

Change the verb form

concern

show examples

it by

control

Wrong verb form

controlling

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy

foods

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school and have their

exercise

planning.

In addition

, the administration should support not only the measures in the school

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

the infrastructure

such

as parks and

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

that everyone can use

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

and have

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good health.

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Sat Jun 24 2023

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Task Achievement

Make sure to address all parts of the task distinctly, specifying causes and measures separately to enhance clarity, e.g., under different paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to further enhance the flow of your essay. Slight re-organization of ideas might help.

Coherence and Cohesion

Consider making the connection between every example you give and your main argument clearer to emphasize support.

Coherence and Cohesion

Well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion which clearly states your opinion.

Task Achievement

Relevant examples promote better understanding of the points made.

Task Achievement

Successfully identifies primary causes, such as changing consumer behavior and lack of exercise, and how policies can tackle these causes.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

335 words

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Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity? (Write 250 words.)

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that modern tecchnology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effect will this have on society?

Some argue that schools are no longer necessary because children learn so much from the Internet and can be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under treat What can be done to maintain biodiversity?