IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018

The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018
#information #families #country #income
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The bar chart illustrates data about how weekly allowance
are
Change the verb form
is
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 being spent by families in a country between 1968 and 2018. Units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the families spent most of their weekly
income
Use synonyms
 on food and leisure activities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, food had the highest percentage of weekly
income
Use synonyms
 spent by families in the year 1968 exactly just
at
Change preposition
apply
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35% and decreased dramatically to about 16% in 2018.
Then
Linking Words
, the housing stood at 10% of weekly
income
Use synonyms
 in 1968 which later experienced a growth at approximately 19% in 2018. Leisure activities had the highest percentage in 2018 at 23% and experienced a sharp decline in 1968 to 9%.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, household
goods
Use synonyms
 had the same pattern of average weekly allowance spent in 1968 and in 2018 at around 7%.
Next,
Linking Words
transport
Add an article
the transport
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 was at 14% in 2018 and decreased gradually to 7% in 1968. Personal
goods
Use synonyms
, fuel and power had
similar
Add an article
a similar
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
income
Use synonyms
 in 2018 at 4% and personal
goods
Use synonyms
 increased by two
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fuel and power in 1968.
Finally
Linking Words
, personal
goods
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 about 7% in 1968 and fell slightly below 5% in 2018.
Submitted by pauly837 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words income, goods with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Weekly income
  • Expenditure
  • Consumption patterns
  • Cost of living
  • Discretionary spending
  • Inflation
  • Economic indicators
  • Demographics
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Technology advancements
  • Government policies
  • Consumerism
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Fiscal habits
  • Budget allocation
  • Financial priorities
  • Societal trends
  • Purchasing power
  • Income distribution
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