In many countries, there are a lot of students who commit suicide each year. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?
It has become increasingly common for many pupils
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
problems
in their school , leading to deteriorating standards of behavior
. Some people believe that parents should negotiate responsibilities with Change the spelling
behaviour
students
lives .Change noun form
students'
student's
However
, I think we should look after the lives of students
. In this
essay
we should discuss Add a comma
essay,
this
problem.
No one can deny the fact that it is important to take care of the physical and mental health of students
in school and we should sympathize with problems
which students
met
, but recently , Wrong verb form
meet
students
do not have the freedom to do anything and are stressed about scores.
The immediate result it produces is pupils have lower
standard of living , so they have many Add an article
a lower
disease
about health like depression .Perhaps the most obvious result of Change to a plural noun
diseases
that is
students
will have deteriorating standards of behavior
like suicide or Change the spelling
behaviour
society
vices .Nothing could be apparent Replace the word
societal
then
evidence that Correct your spelling
than
In japan
Correct your spelling
in Japan
the
Correct article usage
apply
teenager
suicide has Replace the word
teenage
been
increased and Unnecessary verb
apply
do
not have anything Correct subject-verb agreement
does
about
reduce .Change preposition
to
By contrast
, we should sympathize with teenager
.Probably there is some truth in the idea that have many Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
problems
in society which we should cut down.
On other
hand , one thing Correct article usage
the other
thich
is equally important is that the government takes the lead to reduce these Correct your spelling
which
problems
. The police take the interest of students
into account or should have many outdoor activities , that
it is Correct word choice
and
also
responsible for pupils to polish up their lifestyle and mentality .As result
Add an article
a result
as
Correct word choice
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
students
do not have bad things or bad behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
In addition
, we should bring information about student's rights is widely disseminated by mass media . The most familiar example of this
In
Add a missing verb
is In
switzerland
has the highest happiness rate because the government always focus on improving the lives of people . By Change the capitalization
Switzerland
contrasting
, we should not exercise Change the form of the verb
contrast
to
much control over their Correct your spelling
too
students
.
In conclusion , students
or teenager is future
, so the government or people should Correct article usage
the future
Add a missing verb
be interest
interest
of more their life and sympathize with themReplace the word
interested
Submitted by sinh.ielts on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction, a thesis statement, and a conclusion that summarize the main points. Be sure to include these to frame your essay properly and guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ideas in the essay are quite disorganized and sometimes difficult to follow. It is important to use clear paragraphing with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and the essay does not adequately address the reasons for student suicide nor does it offer specific solutions. Ensure that you directly answer the question by explaining reasons and proposing realistic solutions. Expand on the points with detailed justifications and examples.
task achievement
The essay sometimes deviates from the topic and includes general statements that do not provide clear and comprehensive ideas. It is essential to stay focused on the topic and develop ideas that are relevant to the question.
task achievement
The examples provided are insufficient and not fully relevant, which affects the overall task response. Use more specific examples to support your points, and make sure they are directly related to the topic at hand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example