IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the avarage household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010

The pie charts below show the avarage household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010
#show #avarage #household #expenditures #japan #malaysia #year
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The provided pie chart presented information about the amount of 5
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
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 the household expenditures (
hosing
Correct your spelling
housing
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, transport,food, health care and other goods and services)in between Japan and Malaysia in 2010 years.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportion of spending
Change preposition
on
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other goods and services decreased
while
Linking Words
 housing and food increased. We can see that the most preferred
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household
expenditures
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditure
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 which was used by people was other goods and services making up 29% in Japan
however
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 figures dropped to 29% in Malaysia. 20% of
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
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 chart belonged to transport which was the fourth wanted the household expenditures.
This
Linking Words
 householding expenditure fall to 10%. By contracts,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health care was the least
of
Change preposition
apply
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householding expenditure between Japan and Malaysia
however
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 experienced fall to 3%. The figure for food was representing 24% and jumped to 27%. Regarding details, housing was chosen by people with 21%
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
grew
has grown
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 to 34%.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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