Some parents think it is a good idea to give their children mobile phones, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #idea #children #phones

Some people believe that

parents

should give their

children

mobile

phones

, but other people believe that

this

is a not good idea. In the following essay, I will discuss a couple of advantages and drawbacks and present my own view

at the end

. One merit is that if

children

have mobile

phones

, they can use them for educational purposes. To be specific,

children

have to

study

themselves without their

parents

taking care of them.

However

, by using mobile

phones

, it can use increasing how to manage their

study

time automatically.

For example

, my younger sister became to have mobile

phones

because her

parents

want to

study

and use

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

This

situation encourages her to boost her focus

study

time from 1 hour to 5 hours.

As a result

, she could gain more confidence and got a score of A+ in all subjects by surfing the Internet from mobile

phones

Whereas

while

most teenagers do their homework by using mobile

phones

at first , they became focused on doing mobile

games

soon.

Moreover

, In their teen generation, most

children

have a lot of crushing their inner mind, which they think they want to hang out with friends or play interesting

games

etc.

For instance

, my younger brother used to get mobile

phones

from 2020 to 2021, but after he stopped using them. Looking at the event closely, he always plays mobile

games

since his

parents

bought them.

This

lead to a bad situation in that he always starts to

study

by using mobile

phones

and

then

10 minutes later, he will play

games

instead

of doing his assignment.

As a result

, he should need to remove mobile

phones

from the past and now, he promotes his

study

time and be a sense of logical. In conclusion, Some

parents

should buy mobile

phones

for their

children

because of doing a

study

with them.

However

, other parent

parents

should not bring mobile

phones

to their

children

because of

detering

Correct your spelling

deterring

their homework. In my

opionon

Correct your spelling

opinion

, I want to stop using

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

teenagers

Change noun form

teenagers'

teenager's

show examples

mobile

phones

as I mentioned earlier.

Submitted by yup on Sun Jun 25 2023

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

344 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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