IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think certain prisoner should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #prisoner #community #work #bars
In every country on the earth, there is disagreement around the topic of
Correct word choice
whether criminal
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 ought to do social
work
 without wages. With regard to
this
 topic, few consider offenders should do
work
 for their country without any money;
however
, some
contention
Replace the word
contend
show examples
 prisoners should go to
prison
. In my
opine
Correct your spelling
opinion
show examples
, I partially agree with both the notions.
To begin
 w ith, there is no doubt voluntary worked paramount for society. If
prison
Correct article usage
the prison
show examples
 does some volunteer
work
 for the region, it will help the country in numerous ways. First and foremost, unpaid
community
work
 helps with economic growth.
For example
, some communities cannot afford to clean the park or construction in some areas. If prisoners can help to clean these areas it will help to save some money for society.
Additionally
, in the
prison
. the prisoner will be free all the time,
consequently
, it will affect their mental ability badly.
on the other hand
, there are many crucial concerns about why offenders should be behind the
bars
 all time.
Firstly
, if a criminal will not go behind
bars
,
thus
 they might take the punishment normally.
Therefore
,
this
 will become an alarming issue for the
community
.
As a result
, they might try to re-offend the crime.
Likewise
, if criminals are in front of the victim's eyes,
then
 they will feel unsafe.
For instance
, a recent survey conducted by Time News of India indicates that for
community
 safety almost every
prison
 in India is behind
bars
. In a nutshell,
although
 voluntary
work
 is vital for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society it teaches us moral and social values. Notwithstanding
this
 situation, the criminal who committed a serious crime should be behind
bars
 no matter what.
However
, some criminals who commit small crimes can do some
community
work
 with pay, but still under close supervision
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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed. Some points are introduced but not explained in depth.
task achievement
Maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. The conclusion should clearly reflect the stance taken in the introduction and body.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and within them. Use linking words more effectively to connect ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing context and summarizing the overall argument.
task achievement
There is an attempt to provide examples and reasons for each viewpoint, which supports the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegration
  • Recidivism
  • Reform
  • Restorative justice
  • Incarceration
  • Community service
  • Public safety
  • Skill development
  • Moral obligation
  • Punitive measures
  • Economic efficiency
  • Social consequences
  • Corrective action
  • Non-violent offenders
  • Justice system
  • Public opinion
  • Victim restitution
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