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Band 6.5

Both poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree.

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Receiving tertiary education has become a paramount goal for most
students
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 because it is associated with better career prospects.
However
Linking Words
, only a small proportion of
students
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 can get into
university
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 in the face of stiff competition. Some people argue that both affluent and poor
students
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 struggle to get accepted by renowned universities. I disagree with
this
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 notion and will provide reasons
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different perspectives.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that rich kids have supreme learning conditions, leading to better academic performance compared with those from poverty-stricken families.
Students
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 who come from prosperous families usually have their own room which allows them to study in a tranquil environment without disturbance.
Thus
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, they can study more efficiently than the poor ones who need to share rooms with other family members and do revisions in an environment with a lot of distractions.
In addition
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, wealthy families are capable to allow their offspring to attend cram school which provides a lot of techniques regarding the public examination. It is apparent that
students
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 with unlimited resources have a tremendous advantage over poor ones to get good grades which is an important criterion in
university
Use synonyms
 admission.
Moreover
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, wealthy
students
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 have enough monetary support for numerous extracurricular activities which increases their competitiveness in entering universities to less privileged pupils. It is clearly seen that affluent learners usually take part in a lot of activities outside of academics
such
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 as learning an instrument, participating in exchange programs etc.
Although
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 these extra programs are costly and time-consuming, they broaden adolescents’ horizons.
Students
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 who have diverse experiences tend to be more confident and able to think from different perspectives which makes them more competitive in a
university
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 interview than those who are only involved in school learning. In conclusion, there is strong rivalry for earning a position to study in the
university
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.
Nevertheless
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, it is apparent that
students
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 with enormous financial support are
overall
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 favoured in a substantial way over their poor counterparts.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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