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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugarcane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugarcane.
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The flow chart illustrates
steps
Correct article usage
the steps
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 involved in producing
sugar
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 out of a plant -
sugar
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 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, the whole process contains seven essential stages, starting from
sugar
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 cane growing on the land to drying and cooling
sugar
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 crystals in factories. At
first,
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it takes a whole year to one and half a year for
sugar
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canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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 to grow before they become mature enough to be harvested. After they are cut down by harvesting machines or human hands, they are collected together and put into a crusher which squeezes the juice out of them. The
sugar
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 cane juice
then
Linking Words
 is put through a limestone filter and gets purified when it is ready for the next step - evaporating. During evaporation, the juice is heated on fire and it is turned into thick syrup inside the evaporator after water is steamed out.
Then
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 the syrup is sent to a centrifuge which
exrtracts
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extracts
sugar
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 crystals from it. In the final stage, the crystals are dried and cooled to become
sugar
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.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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