Some people think certain prisoner should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
It is widely believed that the
need
for unpaid community service for punishment Correct article usage
a need
instead
of imprisonmentLinking Words
them
. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
statement for a variety of reasons.
I partly agree that there should be community service Linking Words
activities
Use synonyms
instead
of prison because Linking Words
people
commit Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
due to
the environment in which they live. Linking Words
This
means that they do not naturally commit crimes, but many other Linking Words
people
's evil Use synonyms
activities
have affected them. In fact, if no one accepts them, Use synonyms
such
prisoners will tend to repeat the offence. Linking Words
Therefore
, prisoners will have a great chance to reintegrate into society through unpaid work. Linking Words
For example
, Research conducted by a university of law in Germany found that 15 per cent of young Linking Words
people
who spend much time behind bars often turn into worse offenders than those who participate in community Use synonyms
activities
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, I disagree with the viewpoint that serious offenders need to be punished to set an example. Linking Words
Firstly
, crimes Linking Words
such
as murder or robbery are often premeditated. Linking Words
This
is the reason why they dare to commit big criminal Linking Words
activities
because they believe that they will not be detected. Use synonyms
Secondly
, they need to be severely punished so that others don't Linking Words
themimitate
. Correct your spelling
hesitate
For instance
, John who was brutally murdered at an elementary school in New York was sentenced to death by the Federal Court in 2002 to deter Linking Words
people
.
In conclusion, prisoners should take part in unpaid social Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
instead
of going to jail. I'm convinced that those who have committed serious crimes should be imprisoned to set an example.Linking Words
Submitted by yeshomeclass on
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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more detailed examples to support points, particularly for the argument in favor of community service.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences require clearer connections to improve readability and ensure a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your stance.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.