Some people think certain prisoner should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
It is widely believed that the
need
for unpaid community service for punishment Correct article usage
a need
instead
of imprisonment them
. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
statement for a variety of reasons.
I partly agree that there should be community service activities
instead
of prison because people
commit a
Correct article usage
apply
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
due to
the environment in which they live. This
means that they do not naturally commit crimes, but many other people
's evil activities
have affected them. In fact, if no one accepts them, such
prisoners will tend to repeat the offence. Therefore
, prisoners will have a great chance to reintegrate into society through unpaid work. For example
, Research conducted by a university of law in Germany found that 15 per cent of young people
who spend much time behind bars often turn into worse offenders than those who participate in community activities
.
On the other hand
, I disagree with the viewpoint that serious offenders need to be punished to set an example. Firstly
, crimes such
as murder or robbery are often premeditated. This
is the reason why they dare to commit big criminal activities
because they believe that they will not be detected. Secondly
, they need to be severely punished so that others don't themimitate
. Correct your spelling
hesitate
For instance
, John who was brutally murdered at an elementary school in New York was sentenced to death by the Federal Court in 2002 to deter people
.
In conclusion, prisoners should take part in unpaid social activities
instead
of going to jail. I'm convinced that those who have committed serious crimes should be imprisoned to set an example.Submitted by yeshomeclass on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more detailed examples to support points, particularly for the argument in favor of community service.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences require clearer connections to improve readability and ensure a logical flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your stance.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!