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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think computers and the Internet are more important in child’s education. Others believe that schools and teachers are essential for children to learn. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #computers #internet #child’s #education #schools #teachers #children
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Nowadays, the way we learn
knowledge
 is various
due to
 the popularization of advanced technology which makes studying flexible and easier compared to the past. During the covid-19 everyone benefits from
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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distance learning and online study resources, allowing
children
 to accept
knowledge
 at home.
While
 they are helpful assistance to students,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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schools and
teachers
 are still necessary. Some people believe that computers and the internet had penetrate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the educational sector, and it becomes a vital part of youth teaching.
For example
, during covid-19 distance learning replaced face-to-face
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 which reduce the chance of getting infection with covid-19, even now everything is back to normal but still some
of
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apply
show examples
tutorial sessions are conducting via
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
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.
Internet
Add an article
The Internet
show examples
also
 allows
children
 to catch up on missing
knowledge
 from some video media, like YouTube and The Study Room which I used most frequently. Some online
teachers
 have uploaded useful resources and revision materials on websites, helping students to understand some trick parts from
Add an article
the book
show examples
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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 and especially when exams
coming
Wrong verb form
come
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 they become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 effective checklist for
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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. Others think schools and
teachers
 are important in
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
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 study stage.
This
 can be explained by young
children
 are immature and easily led, so
teachers
 be good
guide
Fix the agreement mistake
guides
show examples
 to them, teaching them how to be a responsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 towards to right way, those are more valuable than the basic
knowledge
 we accept from classes.
On the other hand
, School gathers
children
 together, we cultivate other skills as well, critical thinking, communication skills and so on. Allowing us to be confident and
pursuit
Replace the word
pursue
show examples
 the life we expected. From my perspective, the above points are complementary to each other, if we can combine them effectively and applied to
children
’s education, it may have flawless effects. Thinking about how to make them co-exist
instead
 compare the
two-sides
Correct your spelling
two sides
show examples
 of them as they are both vital in
children
’s teaching in the current stage.
Submitted by wenruilyu on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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