IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
Technological advancements have affected the way teenagers spend their leisure time. I think it has several advantages compared to disadvantages because it can enhance a person's mindset in different ways. I agree with the following statement and I will
further
 emphasize my opinion in the below essay. To start with, yes, I believe children have learnt new ways to spend their free time with the evolution of the Internet, and
as a consequence
 of
this
, they have started learning how to gather information about any unfamiliar topic in an instant of time.
Hence
, as compared to the older generation, their worldly knowledge and their practical abilities are excellent. They are even able to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 better decisions for their future.
For instance
, These days, they can find multifarious information on various career options, which promises a safe and passionate future.
Secondly
, they are able to build networks with different types of people online, and owing to
this
, they are susceptible to bold lifestyles. They develop improved levels of social and communication abilities, and I feel when compared to academic proficiency, these skills can enrich one's profile to the greatest, and even
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
influence their lifestyle and personality.
Therefore
, I believe technological evolution has only contributed to a positive change, and we should welcome the change more than resist it.
For example
, a lot of people who live in most remote areas are
also
 able to interact with each other and improve their social skills online. In conclusion,
although
 using the internet or social media for a long duration has some adverse effects,
overall
, I strongly assert that there are more advantages than disadvantages since it helps in improving the lifestyle of the future generation.
Submitted by hemaecengineer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more clearly presented and related to the topic.
task achievement
Your response is comprehensive and directly addresses the task. However, consider providing a clearer answer in the introduction and conclusion to directly address the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: