IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Human activities over the period of time have increased global warming. What are the primary causes? What solutions can you suggest?

#activities #period #time
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Over recent decades, many countries have been trying to develop their cities by using technology.
While
 there are some advantages, but disadvantages are far more. In
this
 essay, I will explain about causes and solutions that we need to do. On the one hand, with the modern technology nowadays that has been increasing these days, many people believe that one of the reasons which we have faced is
fuel
 like petrol, fossil fuels, factories
fuel
, and transportation. All of these examples that I have mentioned are caused by to creation of greenhouses, especially in the cold and freezing seasons,
as a result
 of the earth starting to warm.
On the other hand
, factories' activity is another reason that their activity is relevant to energy production like electricity. First of all, many commentators believe that the government need to raise public awareness about global warming that every day is rising all over the world.
For instance
, they should be taught the society, who use their machines, for public transportation that not only do they use
fuel
 for their cars but
also
 the environmental pollution is better than before. I
also
 believe that the government should increase the quality of roads
due to
 results in the speed of transport going to be high and the consumption of
fuel
 beginning low. In conclusion,
although
 I believe that the government plays a vital role in
this
 issue, the community must cooperate with them. Totally all of us are responsible for global warming and should try to survive the world.
Submitted by s_karimi2002 on

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task response
The essay largely fails to directly address the primary causes of global warming, and tends to describe related issues instead. To achieve a higher score, you must focus more closely on explicitly answering the question and discuss specific causes of global warming, like greenhouse gas emissions, deforestation, and industrial processes.
coherence and cohesion
While some logical structure is present, the essay does not flow smoothly due to unclear transitions and a lack of cohesive devices. Improve coherence and cohesion by utilizing a wider range of linking words and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed. Additionally, make sure to include an introduction that clearly states the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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