IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments should introduce healthcare which prevents illness rather than cures it. How far do you agree with this statement?

#governments #healthcare #illness #cures
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A lot of people claim that governments should introduce healthcare which prevents illness, not treat it. I
also
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 agree with
this
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 statement for the following reasons. In my opinion, it is too late when people have to get expensive treatment or surgery. We have to think about the health of the population before they get ill. By focusing on the root causes of many diseases, specifically tobacco, alcohol, inactive lifestyle, and pollution, most serious illnesses can be avoided.
Moreover
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, it is
easy
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easier
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 to prevent than treat illness, since it takes longer time and more finances to cure a sickness,
while
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 there still might be side effects for our organism.
As a result
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, by preventing illnesses we save not only time but
also
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 a large amount of money that could be spent on treatment. There we need regulation of government, because the state is interested
to have
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in having
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 a healthy society, as it is the foundation of the country. If the population is constantly ill, it may lead to a higher death rate and poor economic conditions because of fewer human resources available for employment. The government should introduce healthcare which prevents illness to reduce the mortality of the population. It is needed for the birth of healthy generations, who will control and develop the country in the future. In conclusion, I totally agree with
this
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 statement and think that government should avoid the spreading of diseases among the community, by creating the conditions for
this
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.
Otherwise
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, the state and its society will deteriorate and stop their development.
Submitted by alexander.vectorgs on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and data to support your points. Use real-life cases or statistics to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clearly outline the writer's position. Good job on this!

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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