IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less time with their parents. What is the reason? What problems can this cause?

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The importance of doing the job by
both
Use synonyms
 parents which was always debatable has now become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. The substantial influence of
this
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 trend has sparked controversy over its potential impact in recent years. In my opinion, it negatively affects their children.
This
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 essay will elaborate my views and
thus
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 will lead to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that the rate of literacy is increasing, so the job opportunities for
both
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 partners are multiplying. Another striking reason behind
this
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 is that the cost of living is high and to meet the standards, it is important for
both
Use synonyms
 partners to work. Categorically , it cannot be ignored that the main reason behind
this
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 is that technology is highly advanced,
therefore
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 working from home is becoming a part of the modern lifestyle.
However
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, there are some pitfalls that negate these arguments and which can certainly overwhelm the potential influence of
this
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 trend but one of the most alarming one is that
due to
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 spending less time with their children, stress level becomes high and children indulge in criminal activities like drug addiction.
Besides
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, a child is deprived of moral and ethical values.
Hence
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, it is apparent why many are against the trend of
both
Use synonyms
 parents working. To recapitulate,
according to
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 the arguments aforementioned above, one can reach the conclusion that the drawbacks of
both
Use synonyms
 guardians doing their job are indeed too dire to ignore.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear, coherent structure with uneven development between the paragraphs. It's important to ensure that each paragraph centers around one main idea and that they progress logically from one to the other.
coherence cohesion
You should aim to include an introduction that clearly states the topic and your position, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points require further support and development. Use specific examples and explanations to fully elucidate your arguments.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the task, but further clarity and development in expressing your ideas are needed. Ensure that your examples are relevant and directly pertain to the key points of the discussion.
task achievement
To improve your score, it's essential to ensure that your essay is fully responsive to the task prompt by directly answering both questions posed. Each viewpoint should be explored comprehensively with explicit examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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