IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

#damage #countries #factors #environment #responsibility
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In these
Change preposition
These
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 days, the deterioration of the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 has become a global concern. The fast development in
industrial
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the industrial
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 sector and inappropriate humans' lifestyle play
pivotal
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a pivotal
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 role in the environmental issues.
However
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,
either
Correct word choice
neither
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 the
government
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or
Correct word choice
nor
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 society
are take
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takes
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 the same amount of
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 to protect our
earth
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. The main factor of
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 damage is the rapid growth in
industrial
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the industrial
an industrial
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 sector that require deforestation in several areas. The
deforestations
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Deforestation
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 are causing a deficiency in O2 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 our
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earth
Change noun form
earth's
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 temperature. Jakarta,
for example
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, is a humid city and every day the temperature
consistent
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is consistent
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in
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at
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 around 29-31
celcius
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Celcius
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 degree.
That is
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 because the city did not have enough trees, and the majority of open lands are allocated to build high buildings.
Consequently
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, it leads to severe issues,
such
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 as global warming, and pollution. Another cause of deterioration in
Correct article usage
the environmental
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environmental
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environment
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 is
the
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apply
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humans' bad
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
likewise
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 increase the number of plastic
wastes
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waste
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, and contribute
in
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to
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 pollution from using vehicles, which are immensely give
bad
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a bad
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 impact
to
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on
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the
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apply
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nature.
It is clear that
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 each stakeholders have a pivotal role in
mitigate
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mitigating
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 the
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environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 damage. The
government
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's regulations are paramount
due to
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diminish
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diminishing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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inappropriate attitudes toward nature.
For instance
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, in Singapore, the
government
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 will give
big
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a big
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 amount of fine if they caught someone smoking in open areas.
Although
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 the
government
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 has
important
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an important
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 role in
this
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 problem,
people
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also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 profoundly responsible for our
earth
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.
Apparently
Add a comma
,Apparently
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 the problem is the lack of
people
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's awareness
in
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of
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the
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apply
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environmental problems. Unless
people
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 across the world establish the same vision to love our
earth
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, we would not live
in
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on
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 a comfortable
earth
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in
Change preposition
for
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 a long time.
Hence
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, the
government
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 could establish
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 in order to increase
people
Use synonyms
's awareness. In conclusion, the causes of
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 damage are the lack of places to plan threes and the human inappropriate
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 towards
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 and society have the same responsibility to protect our nature and mitigate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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further
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 deterioration.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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