It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risk #lives #risks

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This

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is true that taking

risks

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plays a significant role in all aspects of people’s

lives

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including their professional

lives

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and their personal

lives

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Although

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there are some drawbacks to

this

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lifestyle, I personally believe the advantages are more abundant. Some substantial pros and cons will be addressed in

this

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passage. Regarding the positive points, the most significant advantage is the possibility of getting an achievement will be increased if we try to take various opportunities.

For example

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, a merchant is better to be able to change the kind of their goods to find the best one. Another important merit is that a person, who is interested in checking the chances, will experience various events and can fulfil a collection of knowledge.

As a result

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, they can benefit from the information to meet their requirements. As for the drawbacks, the most substantial point is that sometimes some unpredictable events will take place, and in consequence, personal and professional

lives

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would be in danger. Another considerable negative disadvantage is the lack of the basic infrastructure for taking

risks

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. To be more precise, some

risks

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need a collection of amenities, if they do not exist, people will not be able to fulfil their purposes.

For instance

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, changing jobs is considered a risk,

although

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, you need money to afford the basic needs of it. In conclusion, taking

risks

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is very prominent for individuals regarding their personal

lives

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and their working

lives

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. Weighing up both sides of

this

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method, I personally believe the positive justifications are more and more outstanding. I recommend checking all aspects of an opportunity before making a decision.

Submitted by elnazkarimi1386 on Tue Jun 27 2023

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coherence cohesion

The phrasing could be more concise and clear in a few areas, leading to some loss of coherence and cohesion in the structure. For example, the phrase 'a person, who is interested in checking the chances, will experience various events and can fulfil a collection of knowledge.' could be rewritten for clarity: 'A person willing to take chances will experience a variety of events and gain a wealth of knowledge.'

task achievement

You provided relevant, specific examples, although, at times the link between the examples and the main argument is not obvious. Try to make this more explicit.

task achievement

You respond to the prompt in a logically structured and easily followed manner, but your ideas could be expanded upon for a more comprehensive response. Use every chance to show off your language skills - variety of synonyms, complex grammar structures, etc.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Many governments think that economics progress is there most important goal some people fieber think that other type of progress are equally important for a country discuss both views and give your opinion

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Living in a country where you have to speak foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most schools give their students grades based on their performance. Why do so many schools utilize this method of student evaluation? In what ways does this affect students?

The spread of urban areas has led to deforestation and has caused many animal species to become endangered. Environmental groups are urging governments to protect these animals. What are the benefits of protecting animals? What can governments do to protect animals?