It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
This
is true that taking risks
plays a significant role in all aspects of people’s lives
including their professional lives
and their personal lives
. Although
there are some drawbacks to this
lifestyle, I personally believe the advantages are more abundant. Some substantial pros and cons will be addressed in this
passage.
Regarding the positive points, the most significant advantage is the possibility of getting an achievement will be increased if we try to take various opportunities. For example
, a merchant is better to be able to change the kind of their goods to find the best one. Another important merit is that a person, who is interested in checking the chances, will experience various events and can fulfil a collection of knowledge. As a result
, they can benefit from the information to meet their requirements.
As for the drawbacks, the most substantial point is that sometimes some unpredictable events will take place, and in consequence, personal and professional lives
would be in danger. Another considerable negative disadvantage is the lack of the basic infrastructure for taking risks
. To be more precise, some risks
need a collection of amenities, if they do not exist, people will not be able to fulfil their purposes. For instance
, changing jobs is considered a risk, although
, you need money to afford the basic needs of it.
In conclusion, taking risks
is very prominent for individuals regarding their personal lives
and their working lives
. Weighing up both sides of this
method, I personally believe the positive justifications are more and more outstanding. I recommend checking all aspects of an opportunity before making a decision.Submitted by elnazkarimi1386 on
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coherence cohesion
The phrasing could be more concise and clear in a few areas, leading to some loss of coherence and cohesion in the structure. For example, the phrase 'a person, who is interested in checking the chances, will experience various events and can fulfil a collection of knowledge.' could be rewritten for clarity: 'A person willing to take chances will experience a variety of events and gain a wealth of knowledge.'
task achievement
You provided relevant, specific examples, although, at times the link between the examples and the main argument is not obvious. Try to make this more explicit.
task achievement
You respond to the prompt in a logically structured and easily followed manner, but your ideas could be expanded upon for a more comprehensive response. Use every chance to show off your language skills - variety of synonyms, complex grammar structures, etc.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite