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Band 4.5

It is important for people to take riske, both in their professional lives and their personal lifes. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #riske #lives #lifes #risks
There is no doubt these days we need more
risks
 to learn from
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 mistakes by learning
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 mistakes
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 us some lessons in
life
 . The question is, How
take
Add the particle
to take
show examples
risks
 can
affected
Change the verb form
affect
be affected
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us in
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 or negative in our professional and personal
life
? In
this
 essay , I am going to discuss
it
Correct word choice
whether it
show examples
 is essential to take
risks
 for
both
life
 in professional and personal and draw my own conclusion . In terms of
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 side taking
risks
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 you get success in
professional
Correct pronoun usage
your professional
show examples
life
 If you learn
throgh
Correct your spelling
through
 your
risks
 making you
more wise
Replace the words
wiser
show examples
 in your job or any
posiotion
Correct your spelling
position
 you might get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in your role
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
your personal
show examples
life
 you will learn from your experiences if you get
risks
 when you are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young you will learn much
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 that . The main reason
givin
Correct your spelling
given
 to support
this
calim
Correct your spelling
claim
 is that in
both
life
 we will get more
risks
 and we will learn from
this
 experience if the
risks
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 you get more knowledge about
both
life
 you will be
more wise
Replace the words
wiser
show examples
 with your family or relationship. To illustrate if I
saty
Correct your spelling
stay
 at home and I did not get
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 from my experience or
nothing
Correct word choice
if nothing
show examples
 happened
im
Correct your spelling
in
 my
life
 how I will learn
in other words
riske
Correct your spelling
risks
coming
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from our experiences
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 is short should learn from our lessons . In conclusion ,
although
 we will get some disadvantages from
risks
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
we have to be patient
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
risks
 nothing is easy to be successful in your professional
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 if you get more
risks
 you will gain some
paitent
Correct your spelling
patience
 in
both
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 lives .
Therefore
, I believe that our
Correct your spelling
lives
life is
lifes
Add a verb
arelifes
werelifes
show examples
 not easy it is difficult so let’s learn from our mistakes and
risks
 .
Submitted by luhana.chii on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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