IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

Today,more and more
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is not
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
permitted to sell
foodstuff
Fix the agreement mistake
foodstuffs
show examples
 which had a bad influence on the
health
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
.From my perspective,I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. On the one hand,
badly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
healthy
Use the right word
unhealthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 could cause the
body
Use synonyms
worse
Verb problem
to deteriorate
show examples
 slowly.If someone eats
food
Use synonyms
 which will make bad development for
health
Use synonyms
,their
Check wording
development,their
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 will become weaker than before,even get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 disease.
For example
Linking Words
,if some vegetables have been
certificated
Replace the word
certified
show examples
 to cause cancer
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 can really
improve
Verb problem
increase
show examples
 the
possibility
Check wording
risk
show examples
 of cancer occurrence.If somebody does not know
this
Linking Words
 bad effort and eats it every day,they may accumulate poison in their
body
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
achieve
Verb problem
develop
show examples
 cancer one day.Maybe some
people
Use synonyms
 will say it is just a probability event.But I think when
this
Linking Words
 thing happens all over the world,it
still
Verb problem
will still
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a considerable number of population illnesses.
Therefore
Linking Words
,it is necessary to make rules for the
health
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 do not know what
food
Use synonyms
 is bad for
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 bodies.The more bad
foodstuff
Fix the agreement mistake
foodstuffs
show examples
 exhibited in the supermarket, the more choices we will have.But actually,it is hard for us to distinguish which
food
Use synonyms
 is healthy or unhealthy.
For instance
Linking Words
,if there are various mushrooms in the shop and
people
Use synonyms
 do not know every effect on the
body
Use synonyms
,they will choose
these
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 randomly.But if bad
food
Use synonyms
 is chosen,it is not healthy for the
body
Use synonyms
.So,banning the selling of bad
food
Use synonyms
 is the right method for the
health
Use synonyms
 of the population. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 measure
promotes
Verb problem
limits
show examples
 the limitation of choices for
people
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 is an essential measure for human
health
Use synonyms
.With
this
Linking Words
 step,we could guarantee the basic
health
Use synonyms
 of a person.

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planning
State your view at the start and again in the end. Use simple, clear sentences to explain each idea.
content
Give one or two strong examples that fit health and are easy to prove.
coherence
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph and join ideas with simple link words.
grammar
Fix grammar and small errors; use correct noun, verb form and articles.
content
Clear position is stated.
structure
There is a plan with two body ideas.
organization
The order of ideas can be seen by the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • scientifically proven
  • personal freedom
  • individual choices
  • healthcare costs
  • economic impact
  • consumer empowerment
  • outright bans
  • education campaigns
  • scientific research
  • regulated industry
  • nutritional information
  • infringe
  • awareness
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