Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?
It is sometimes argued that the government should not disburse money on building theatres and sports stadiums which is opposed to the idea that expenditures on developing education and health care system are essential.
While
I support that Linking Words
this
may suit many governments, I still believe that spending money on theatres or sports centres is the simple way for a country to intricate its culture.
Without a shadow of a doubt, investing in the medical care and schooling systems brings favourable impacts on the benefits of citizens. Linking Words
For example
, the government provides financial support to make education accessible to everyone and enjoy services from top-notch hospitals. Linking Words
Moreover
, those infrastructures create a high-quality and healthy labour workforce for countries' development. Linking Words
For instance
, Germany provides a system in the form of social insurance, and it Linking Words
becomes
one of the most developing countries in the world.
Wrong verb form
has become
While
the essence of expanding health care and schooling flourish is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if the governors ignore funding for the entertainment industry. Apparently, funding for the theatres and sports stadiums brings beneficial influences on residents and aids that country in attracting tourists. By doing so, it makes the nation's economy more advanced effectively. Linking Words
For example
, Korea, which organises myriads of concerts by well-known groups Linking Words
such
as BTS or Black Pink, is appealing to millions of people from every corner of the world.
In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that the state should financially support not only in terms of medical and education but Linking Words
also
with regard to the entertainment industry.Linking Words
Submitted by blhoangvanhoan on
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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a clearer structure for each paragraph, starting with a topic sentence and supporting with details.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the writer's position.
task achievement
Arguments are mostly relevant and examples are provided to illustrate points, such as the mention of Korea and Germany.