Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theatres or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is sometimes argued that the government should not disburse money on building theatres and sports stadiums which is opposed to the idea that expenditures on developing education and health care system are essential.

While

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I support that

this

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may suit many governments, I still believe that spending money on theatres or sports centres is the simple way for a country to intricate its culture. Without a shadow of a doubt, investing in the medical care and schooling systems brings favourable impacts on the benefits of citizens.

For example

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, the government provides financial support to make education accessible to everyone and enjoy services from top-notch hospitals.

Moreover

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, those infrastructures create a high-quality and healthy labour workforce for countries' development.

For instance

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, Germany provides a system in the form of social insurance, and it

becomes

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

one of the most developing countries in the world.

While

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the essence of expanding health care and schooling flourish is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if the governors ignore funding for the entertainment industry. Apparently, funding for the theatres and sports stadiums brings beneficial influences on residents and aids that country in attracting tourists. By doing so, it makes the nation's economy more advanced effectively.

For example

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, Korea, which organises myriads of concerts by well-known groups

such

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as BTS or Black Pink, is appealing to millions of people from every corner of the world. In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that the state should financially support not only in terms of medical and education but

also

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with regard to the entertainment industry.

blhoangvanhoanTue Jun 27 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Use a clearer structure for each paragraph, starting with a topic sentence and supporting with details.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the writer's position.

task achievement

Arguments are mostly relevant and examples are provided to illustrate points, such as the mention of Korea and Germany.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

government expenditure
public health
medical facilities
access to healthcare
education system
quality education
human capital
economic growth
luxury
cultural development
social development
tourism
local economy
well-rounded society

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